Dear mom,

Wow. What a weekend. I often wonder how I deserve such greatness. I mean it's not like I'm terribly special, I'm just me. Yet, I find myself being treated like a queen on a regular basis and it amazes me. Thank God I am not still paying for my past, or I would have nobody around to love me and appreciate me. For years, I only cared about surviving, doing what I had to do, regardless of others. Or what I thought was surviving. It was all self-centered, a life of self destruction, fulfilling the demons' demands. I am priveledged that I had the opportunity to start over, and nearly 7 years later, here I am. Finding myself constantly surrounded by such love, such presence, unconditional love. I have become a person that enjoys people, builds relationships, and these people love me back! These are the thoughts that have been going through my mind this weekend.
For those who do not know my whole story, it's a lot... to make it brief, who I am today is not who I ever imagined to be, nor did those who knew me then have any clue where I would be today. My family surely envisioned phone calls of overdoses or accidents, or that I would be in jail. All from chasing substances and highs to make me "better." Some years ago, I became part of an amazing fellowship where I connected with a HP to make me better, I connected with Love, I allowed myself to "get better." Because of many people loving me, and me somehow allowing this to happen, I am here today. This weekend, I graduated with a freaking masters degree. How does someone who comes from where I come from even do that? And the degree isn't even the biggest part... the love I felt from all those who have been with me along the way- that is the miracle.
The relationship I have with my mom is the biggest miracle. My mother is notorious for throwing amazing parties, and she is the one I harmed the most. She is the epitome of unconditional love. I tear up as I write this, because I can only hope I will be half the woman she is. A woman who gives so selflessly of herself, forgets and forgives the wrongs her children have bestowed upon her, and in turn, showers her love upon us. Wow.
Today, she is my best friend. Because of her, I was able to complete the education I sought. She was my cheering section through the late nights, hospital stays, multiple injuries, two and three jobs at a time while carrying a full load of classes, my editor, sounding board, my mom.
So yes, this was a whirl wind weekend, and I am still processing it all. I am grateful for the host of our party, the friends that showed up in person and watched online from afar, the advisers that believed in me when I wanted to give up, and mostly, my mom. This weekend was definitely worth the 6 planes it took to get to and from Florida so I could have my mom perfectly arrange my hood with cap and gown, take pictures, and I could proudly strut across that stage (armed with my warrior necklace) knowing I am not the person I once was. I am no longer the scared little girl, pushing everyone away, wanting to die. I am the woman who can hold my head high, believe in myself, appreciate the hard work and determination it takes to keep my commitments to myself, my family, my education, my passion. I am a woman that makes my mother proud.. More importantly, I am proud of myself. That is far greater than any degree, accolades, or monetary value. I am truly grateful.
Love to all, light to all
DBear