Life lessons... so difficult to learn the hard way, yet so important to learn at all. But are we really learning if we repeatedly put ourselves in the same position to learn the same lesson over and over again? Maybe. Maybe I am learning by being repeatedly beat over the head by the same lesson... learning little by little until I do not have to repeat the same mistake... Currently, this week's lesson is I cannot, and will not, be everything to everyone. More importantly, I will not allow myself to be any one person's "everything." That type of dependence can only backfire, and result in a blaze of fiery eruption. This has been my last 72 hours. 72 grueling hours of a lot of work, a lot of life, a lot of stress, a lot of tasks to complete, LIFE... with the added pressures of this lesson beating me over the head every step of the way. Not just in the form of the friendship that woke me up today, but in the form of the over-commitment, the expecting more of myself than I am capable of doing, than any human is capable of doing, the inability to set my limits before things get to that point.... you know that point where all you can do is stand outside and scream. Yes, I reached that point today. I reached that point because I did not set my limits earlier on an issue that I needed to speak up about. The lesson went further...
See, even after that point, I had more of a beating in the form of a written attack from one who made me their everything, their complete and utter dependence, and I had no clue I was in that position to begin with... I had no clue every move I made was being timestamped in their brain to bring up on this day... this, my most stressful day. I had no clue that someone considered me their close friend that did not meet their needs because quite frankly, I am trying to hold my head above water and meet my own basic needs... sleep, food, shelter, clothing, the close relationships I am able to put energy into to maintain. Which seem very few at this point. I can count on my hand (ok, maybe two hands) the number of people I am able to make "URGENT! PRIORITY!" at this moment. We haven't even spoken since the semester began. Unbeknownst to me, this person did not get the memo that I am barely hanging on. That I was moving on from this friend because I didn't have the strength or energy the friendship demanded. Another lesson, not making myself clear.
Since I did not get the memo that one individual was supposed to be on my "URGENT! PRIORITY!" list, I became target of assault. Does it hurt? Sure. What also stings a bit is the fact that I was too blind to even see I was needed, or being depended on. Makes me wonder... am I so busy going through life that I am not present in what is going on around me? Outside of work, school, family, close friends, do I not see the rest? Or does this one person think the world revolves around them so much that they feel it is simply okay to disregard what the rest of us have going on so they can speak their piece. No matter the cost of other's feelings.
Either way, lesson learned, I am one person. I do a damn good job at what I can. I do not waste my time on what I can't. Because I am worth giving myself a little bit of a time. Time to breathe, Time to take a big trip when I can, Time to stock my house with necessities at the beginning of every semester because I'm a planner and I know I will not have a moment to do it when things get crazy, Time to spend a day without answering emails, phone calls, texts, Time for Me. Is that not okay? Or does that have to go to everyone around me? No. It does not. There are others. I am nobody's God. That is my lesson. I do not have to over-commit, and if I commit to help someone, that is not til death do I part. I will do what I can whenever I can for anyone. As a matter of fact, my true friends will say, I will do everything I can to help them. When I can. And when they know I can't, they will not ask.
So those are my thoughts. God, I've missed this blog. Second post in over a month... no bueno. I will do better. Until then, friends, love to all, light to all, FLY
Showing posts with label Friendship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Friendship. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Weekend recap
So my weekend was not spent blogging, nor did I post yesterday, so I will have to catch up.. I've already been called a slacker. Truth is, I am home from work sick today and don't really know what to do with my time, so may as well blog
This weekend was fabulous. I have a special red headed angel in my life and she was able to come to Tampa. She is 8 and reminds me how awesome spending time with children is and how good of a mom I will (ONE DAY) be, but also that today is not that day. She reminds me how innocent we seem to start out in this life and how an inquisitive mind is always curious, always questioning, always in awe... I love that.
Our weekend consisted of a lot of swim time, a trip to the zoo, more swim time, movies, and a trip to the ropes course at MOSI. It completely baffles me how the children at the ropes course seem to have no fear whatsoever and us adults hesitate when it starts to get scary and uncomfortable. Maybe this is how I have become so "set in my ways" the older I get, because I like comfort. I like knowing and feeling like I have an iota of control. Ok, a lot of control. So I allowed myself to be free this weekend, and allowed Brei to be free this weekend, to do whatever she wanted to do and live it up. I have to say, it was one of the greatest weekends since living here.
So that was my weekend, there is much more, but I have Monday and Tuesday to catch up on as well. I know Saturday and Sunday were for creative/inspiring days, so I will have to come back to this post later and add some pictures with a few Carla's creative twists to them. As far as my inspiration, that came from my red headed angel. She inspires me to be better, to do better. To quit smoking, to let go, to be free. And, possibly, to one day have children of my own. In the mean time, I am considering big brothers/big sisters, or guardian ad litem... just have to make sure I can commit the time to taking on such a task before signing up. More will be revealed.
Grateful I took this weekend to FLY <3
This weekend was fabulous. I have a special red headed angel in my life and she was able to come to Tampa. She is 8 and reminds me how awesome spending time with children is and how good of a mom I will (ONE DAY) be, but also that today is not that day. She reminds me how innocent we seem to start out in this life and how an inquisitive mind is always curious, always questioning, always in awe... I love that.
Our weekend consisted of a lot of swim time, a trip to the zoo, more swim time, movies, and a trip to the ropes course at MOSI. It completely baffles me how the children at the ropes course seem to have no fear whatsoever and us adults hesitate when it starts to get scary and uncomfortable. Maybe this is how I have become so "set in my ways" the older I get, because I like comfort. I like knowing and feeling like I have an iota of control. Ok, a lot of control. So I allowed myself to be free this weekend, and allowed Brei to be free this weekend, to do whatever she wanted to do and live it up. I have to say, it was one of the greatest weekends since living here.
So that was my weekend, there is much more, but I have Monday and Tuesday to catch up on as well. I know Saturday and Sunday were for creative/inspiring days, so I will have to come back to this post later and add some pictures with a few Carla's creative twists to them. As far as my inspiration, that came from my red headed angel. She inspires me to be better, to do better. To quit smoking, to let go, to be free. And, possibly, to one day have children of my own. In the mean time, I am considering big brothers/big sisters, or guardian ad litem... just have to make sure I can commit the time to taking on such a task before signing up. More will be revealed.
Grateful I took this weekend to FLY <3
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Lesson of the week... more of a ponderable really...
This week's lesson is one I probably learn every week... Or at least think on every week...
"Textversation..."
is not a reliable method of communication,
and should not be treated as such...
Can lead to rounds and rounds of confusion...
rather than real, genuine conversation...
How many times does someone misread a text, or have their text misunderstood? The tone, inflection, just missing punctuation can make all the difference in the world. Not to mention the fact that a text is not guaranteed... when I am talking to someone, I know they are there. I know they hear me. I do not have to assume they are reading the text and hesitating or ignoring me. I get an automatic answer. Texts? Those can take hours. That then leads to more uncertainty... did I say something wrong? Are they ignoring me? Did they get my text? Did I send it to the wrong person? My goodness, the madness!
So my question is this... why do we use them so much? Is it the convenience factor? Is it a way to "hide" behind your wall of cellular device? Is it a way to multitask when we can't "talk" on the phone? Whatever the reason, I personally rely on texts way too much. I set myself up to be placed in awkward situations, to be put off, or put others off, to be misunderstood, or misunderstand others, all because it's available and easy. So why not take a minute to actually call? Why not skype or facetime? This is much more personal a method of communication.
While typing this, I am realizing this has turned in to more of a weekly "ponderable" than a weekly "lesson" but I know one thing is for sure... I am no longer going to allow texts to have so much power over my life... I want to be present in others lives and wish for their presence as well... so call. Take time to sit still and draft a letter. Send a card. Skype. Facetime. But let's all give the world of text a break.
Whatever your thoughts about texts, I hope take away the following from tonight's post: enjoy those you love near and far, respect one another, be kind... and as always, don't forget to FLY <3
P.S. I must say, I do have some hysterical textversations with some of my besties, and even some moving, inspirational ones.... but there is often a "pitfall beyond the payoff"... hey, I will have to use that more often... pitfall beyond the pitfall... ok good night :)
"Textversation..."
is not a reliable method of communication,
and should not be treated as such...
Can lead to rounds and rounds of confusion...
rather than real, genuine conversation...
How many times does someone misread a text, or have their text misunderstood? The tone, inflection, just missing punctuation can make all the difference in the world. Not to mention the fact that a text is not guaranteed... when I am talking to someone, I know they are there. I know they hear me. I do not have to assume they are reading the text and hesitating or ignoring me. I get an automatic answer. Texts? Those can take hours. That then leads to more uncertainty... did I say something wrong? Are they ignoring me? Did they get my text? Did I send it to the wrong person? My goodness, the madness!
So my question is this... why do we use them so much? Is it the convenience factor? Is it a way to "hide" behind your wall of cellular device? Is it a way to multitask when we can't "talk" on the phone? Whatever the reason, I personally rely on texts way too much. I set myself up to be placed in awkward situations, to be put off, or put others off, to be misunderstood, or misunderstand others, all because it's available and easy. So why not take a minute to actually call? Why not skype or facetime? This is much more personal a method of communication.
While typing this, I am realizing this has turned in to more of a weekly "ponderable" than a weekly "lesson" but I know one thing is for sure... I am no longer going to allow texts to have so much power over my life... I want to be present in others lives and wish for their presence as well... so call. Take time to sit still and draft a letter. Send a card. Skype. Facetime. But let's all give the world of text a break.
Whatever your thoughts about texts, I hope take away the following from tonight's post: enjoy those you love near and far, respect one another, be kind... and as always, don't forget to FLY <3
P.S. I must say, I do have some hysterical textversations with some of my besties, and even some moving, inspirational ones.... but there is often a "pitfall beyond the payoff"... hey, I will have to use that more often... pitfall beyond the pitfall... ok good night :)
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Spotlight Tuesday... A day late..
Tuesday’s blog theme is “spotlight” day, and since I didn’t get around to it yesterday, I am posting it today… My spotlight day will be a weekly post dedicated to a person I choose… one whom I admire, look up to, appreciate, or just feel like posting about.
Naturally, my first spotlight post must be my mother. My mother and I are best friends. This is an amazing thing, especially considering we would never have seen this in our future a few years ago. Truthfully, if you asked me 10-15 years ago if my mother would be my best friend, I would say no way. If you asked her, she probably would have said her daughter might not be alive in 10-15 years. I was rebellious, horrendous, and “wild child” would not do me justice. Yet, my mother stuck by me. She always has.
My mom has a knack for giving people the benefit of the doubt and can be loyal to a fault. She stayed with my father for years past what I would have, simply to keep our family together. She stayed present for my brother and me, when I would have run away. She worked two jobs our whole lives to help us have the best life can offer, whether that be education, food, clothes, shelter, cars, extra curricular activities, summer camps, whatever… she provided. To this day, she sends me care packages, unexpected notes, coupons, and the like. Every time she visits Tampa, she cooks and cooks some more.
Regardless of all of the material goods, my mother gives love unconditionally, compassion, and a listening ear. I can call her day or night and she is there to listen. She does not judge, she simply listens and shares her experience. One of the best things about my mother is she is not only a mother to her biological children, she is an adopted mother to almost every one of our friends. Holiday meals, birthday dinners, just a nice place to spend time, with good company and love, my mother does it all.
She also gives back to the community, adopts other families, is a member to more organizations than I could possibly list, and is simply one of the most selfless people I know. She does all of this and still works one full time job for the state, one part time job at an urgent care clinic, takes care of her home, cooks for her husband, AND takes care of my Grandmother who has Alzheimer’s. I honestly do not know anyone else who could handle so much life stress and continue giving service with a smile. Belinda McClellan, you are truly superwoman, and I am honored to be your daughter and best friend. Love you.. Past the Sky J
Naturally, my first spotlight post must be my mother. My mother and I are best friends. This is an amazing thing, especially considering we would never have seen this in our future a few years ago. Truthfully, if you asked me 10-15 years ago if my mother would be my best friend, I would say no way. If you asked her, she probably would have said her daughter might not be alive in 10-15 years. I was rebellious, horrendous, and “wild child” would not do me justice. Yet, my mother stuck by me. She always has.
My mom has a knack for giving people the benefit of the doubt and can be loyal to a fault. She stayed with my father for years past what I would have, simply to keep our family together. She stayed present for my brother and me, when I would have run away. She worked two jobs our whole lives to help us have the best life can offer, whether that be education, food, clothes, shelter, cars, extra curricular activities, summer camps, whatever… she provided. To this day, she sends me care packages, unexpected notes, coupons, and the like. Every time she visits Tampa, she cooks and cooks some more.
Regardless of all of the material goods, my mother gives love unconditionally, compassion, and a listening ear. I can call her day or night and she is there to listen. She does not judge, she simply listens and shares her experience. One of the best things about my mother is she is not only a mother to her biological children, she is an adopted mother to almost every one of our friends. Holiday meals, birthday dinners, just a nice place to spend time, with good company and love, my mother does it all.
She also gives back to the community, adopts other families, is a member to more organizations than I could possibly list, and is simply one of the most selfless people I know. She does all of this and still works one full time job for the state, one part time job at an urgent care clinic, takes care of her home, cooks for her husband, AND takes care of my Grandmother who has Alzheimer’s. I honestly do not know anyone else who could handle so much life stress and continue giving service with a smile. Belinda McClellan, you are truly superwoman, and I am honored to be your daughter and best friend. Love you.. Past the Sky J
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