Searching the soul, becoming whole

A lot of people asked me what exactly I was doing before leaving Tampa to come to Ladybug... what retreats entail, questions of that sort.... Is it religious? A church group? What exactly is it?! Well, it's none of those things.... for me. For me, this is a time to reflect... a time to get away from all of the outside noise (as best I can) so I can examine those parts of me that are standing in the way of my Light. Those parts of me that serve as a buffer of the happiness I deserve... we all deserve. Those parts of me that cannot stay secret, that cannot recover if no light is shed upon them. That is what this weekend is about for me. There is so much more of course... great friendships, my family of sorts, loving, non-judgmental, present in one another's lives...
Throughout the course of the weekend, I examined, reflected, shared, cried many tears, laughed many laughs, a full weekend of soul surgery with the soul sisters. I had the pleasure of sitting down with one of my She-roes last night [Polly :)] and letting her know the truth I have been avoiding (After all, if I wish it away, won't it go away? yeah... right) Is it hard? Parts are. The being completely honest about these parts of me I do not wish to discuss. The parts of letting go of unhealthy relationships... that is the hardest. Because I like to walk right back into destruction. It is the norm for me. It is what I have been used to for years.
So today, I can set a new norm. I can focus on the constructive rather than the destructive. I can step away and reflect, phone a friend when I want to go back to the destruction, I can start to grow accustomed to healthy relationship. I have done this in many areas of my life. I have become accustomed to spending time alone, avoiding drama, eating daily, prioritizing my time and responsibilities.... so this is not new after all. I just have to start a new behavior, which is leaving the old behavior in the past. After all, isn't that what it's all about? Just like cleaning my house... out with the old, in with the new... and for those parts of me that are considered to be an asset, those can remain. I simply have to ask, "how's it working for me?" Keep what works, disregard the rest. And that, my friends, is what this weekend has been about for me. God, I love this way of life.
Live, Laugh, Love, FLY