A different kind of Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving used to be my favorite holiday. Next to New Year's of course. It was always very consistent... At least in my memories. We would have a huge family meal with our Alabama family and it was usually a family trip (not sure about my dad as I can't recall if he went or not). When we weren't with my mom's family in Alabama, we would be at my Nanny's in Sycamore. (Again, my memory isn't clear as I mostly think of Alabama when I think of Thanksgiving)... All of that started to change when I started moving around a lot at age 18, but I still managed to spend it with family... When I wasn't in treatment anyway. Two years ago, I spent it with other family in Tampa because I couldn't get away due to work in grad school. Last year, I was living out here in SF but spent Thanksgiving in St. Louis. This year, the plan was to go to the Indigenous People's Sunrise Gathering at Alcatraz then have dinner with a friend at her church. However, that friend got sick. We did get to go to ceremony, but did not get to eat. I was able to make her veggie soup and teas and watch movies with her and help watch her daughter. It was definitely a different thanksgiving but reminded me of how lucky I am to have family everywhere I go. I think I must get that trait from my mother- the ability to build community and family wherever I am. Don't get me wrong, I've become a lot more of a loner since moving to SF but I still seek and build community. Not just Friends of Bill either. I'm grateful for this. Do I get scared or homesick? Yes. Of course. But I also believe the general nature of people is to want to be with other people. We crave community. We build those relationships. I've had a harder time doing that here than everywhere else, but it's happened and I'm grateful. I keep a very small circle here but it's been my circle and I'm grateful. I will surely miss my Bay Area family. And yes, I did get a thanksgiving meal as we had dinner (lunch) at my friend's daughter's school Wednesday (in the Redwood forest!) and I had leftovers at another friend's house yesterday (Brussel sprouts, parsnips, and yams at least! So good!). I did not shop, as I never do on Black Friday and I'm downsizing anyway. I am packing for my cross country move (yes, I'm crazy to do this twice in less than two years) and selling things rather than buying. I'd be happy if buyers would line up at my house, just come in peace :)

Love and Light,

DBear

Who says you can't go home?

Two blogs in one night... It's been a while. Let me preface this entry by saying I am a grown woman and need nobody's approval of any life decision I make. However, it has been quite interesting to see and hear the reactions of people finding out I am leaving SF to return to my hometown. That's right. I am coming home. Reponses range from "Why??!" to "Yes, come on home! We want you back" (that's been the main theme from those closest to me). But those who still live in my hometown and feel "stuck" there or those who live out here and can't imagine living in the south rightfully question my decision to return. 

When it comes down to it, I am making a decision based on the benefits outweighing the risks so to speak. Are there downsides of being in a non-progressive state? Absolutely. Are there downsides of being thousands of miles away from family? Most definitely. When it comes to my reasons, there are many. Some are too personal for discussion here. I will say it's the best move financially, professionally, physically, Spiritually, and emotionally. And that is that.

But feel free to continue responding on both ends of the spectrum, I find these responses quite entertaining. And if you're unhappy in your hometown, move. I did. I've been gone nearly 4 years and I'm ready to come settle down for a while.

Love and Light 

DBear

Oh the places you'll go....

Up until a few years ago, I could easily count every state or major city I had visited... I could tell you a little about each one, and most of my world was SouthEasternUS-centric... meaning I hadn't traveled very far away from AL/FL/GA... Yet I always wanted to travel. And travel I have done. Today, I have to think long about every where I have been and what I can tell you about each place (Note to self... write more travel blogs)... But I will at least start with a list. On this list, I am going to write the states, cities, etc. I have visited for any specific purpose or length of time. A layover does not count. If it is a state I went through on my cross country trip, that will be in perens. This is more for myself, but may as well have it up on my blog like the rest of my adventures. I was going to skip over all of Florida since I was raised there, but it counts too ;) However, I will not include suburbs, or rural country towns surrounding cities (i.e. Quincy, Gretna, etc for Tallahassee) as the list would be entirely too long. Also, this is only including the US. I have much more ground to cover, but it's a decent start for this twenty-something road tripper, especially considering I've gone on many solo...

1. Vancouver, WA
2. Portland, OR
3. Eugene, OR
4. Crescent City, CA
5. Redwood Nat'l Park
6. Eureka, CA
7. North Bay (Includes Sonoma, Marin, Sausalito, etc.)
8. San Francisco, CA
9. East Bay (Includes Oakland, Berkeley, and all of the burbs)
10. South Bay (Palo Alto... where Stanford is)
11. Sacramento, CA
12. Reno, NV
13. Pyramid Lake, CA
14. Los Angeles, CA
15. Hollywood, CA
16. Long Beach, CA
17. Beverly Hills, CA
18. San Diego, CA
19. Palm Springs, CA
20. Sedona, AZ
21. Grand Canyon Nat'l Park
22. Sequoia Nat'l Park
23. New Mexico (passing through on road trip)
24. Oklahoma (passing through on road trip)
25. Houston, TX
26. San Antonio, TX
27. Arkansas (passing through... want to go back to Ozarks and Little Rock)
28. New Orleans, LA
29. Oxford, MS
30. Memphis, TN
31. Nashville, TN
32. Johnson City, TN
33. Knoxville, TN
34. Hendersonville, NC
35. Smoky Mountains
36. Rocky Mountains (almost forgot CO)
37. Denver, CO
38. Aurora, CO
39. Fort something, CO (For a state convention)
40. Estes Park, CO
41. Washington DC
42. Baltimore, MD
43. Arlington, VA
44. Pittsburgh, PA
45. Philadelphia, PA
46. Boston, MA
47. Atlanta, GA
48. Augusta, GA
49. Does Macon, GA count?
50. Albany, GA
51. Every little town in Georgia
52. Tallahassee, FL (lived there)
53. Jacksonville, FL
54. Pensacola, FL (lived there)
55. Tampa, FL (lived there)
56. Nearly every beach in Florida
57. Miami, FL
58. Orlando, FL
59. Every small town in Florida
60. Hilton Head Island, SC
61. Savannah, GA
62. St. Simon's Island, GA
63. St. Louis, MO (I had to stop and think what state STL is in.. wow)
64. On Monday, I can add Yosemite to this list.
65. Most of lower Alabama

I am quite certain I am leaving things off, but I wanted to document what I can so far. Especially considering I am about to do another cross country trip. I have one of three routes planned, depending on snow. My preference is to go up to STL (Going through Utah, Nebraska, etc.) then down to Tallahassee (stopping in Mississippi to see the Spons) but weather must cooperate... I have never driven in snow...

Feel free to add to this list if you know me and remember more than I do at the moment.

OH, and missing from this list is NYC and the Falls (my mother and I have been planning that since I was 15.... still waiting..)

Love and Light
Dbear

No place like home...

It's interesting to note how my experiences of "coming home" have evolved over the last few years... (I'm realizing I've completely left out a blog about my trip to Boston aka first trip to New England aka awesomeness... But this isn't a travel blog... Although... That's a great idea for me!)

Back to home... When I first moved away, I would get homesick frequently and come home often. There was most always some drama while I was visiting and it never really ran smooth. Yet I was still excited to make those trips, and probably came home too often for someone who was in grad school and working multiple jobs. I know the stress wore on my body and I'm quite surprised I didn't end up in worse physical condition than a few ulcers. It was odd... I'd come home because I missed people, but would get here and feel hella lonely. Or I'd fight with my closest friend at the time. Or had some family drama. Or felt out of place. This was all while I was in tampa. I see now that a lot of it was me pushing people (and my hometown) away because the homesickness was no fun. I figured if I picked fights, I wouldn't be so sad to leave when it was time. That went on for 2 years but slowly faded... 

Then I moved to California. Coming home took on a whole new role. Trips were fewer and farther between... Visiting was a culture shock the first time I came home. I wasn't prepared for how southern it really is here. How non-progressive Florida is... But the good parts shocked me too. Feeling safe. Peace. Quiet. Most of all, the times with my family and friends were becoming more productive. Less drama and more deep and meaningful relationships. 

It's now been 3 1/2 years since I moved away and I can honestly say coming home has a completely different meaning to me today. This trip especially has caused a profound alteration in my truth and reality of what home means to me. What does this truth and reality mean for my future? More will be revealed... 

Love and Light

DBear