Transformative Work.

When I discussed my intentions for the new year back in January, I mentioned I would be taking on some self-help type seminars. I had no idea what that intention would actually create for me. I was hesitant to write about this, because I am still not sure what is happening. Well, that's a lie. I am transforming. I am walking in integrity. I am living life fully and powerfully, as if all is today. No tomorrow, no past. Today.
Part of this involves completion of things in my past... which is where it gets gritty. Those who are familiar with 12th step programs would liken this to the amends process. I feel it to be a 4th dimension to that process. I actaully acknowledge every person, relationship, experience in which I have been ingenuine so I can live a genuine existence. This is producing miraculous break throughs for me. Don't get me wrong, there are people who I have not been able to reach. I can attach many stories to this (they are damaged, they are hurt, they are closed off to communication, etc.) But the reality just is. And rather than being completely devestated by this reality (they cannot be reached), I acknowledge what is. And that is all there is.
Like I said, I was hesitant to explain this phenomenom because it's difficult to "get" unless you've experienced it yourself. I basically went through 10-20 years of therapy in 72 hours. I will continue to go to weekly seminars and one more intensive session. This will take course over the summer. I am creating all sorts of new possibilities for myself. the first of which is to live geniunely and in integrity. To be able to connect to others in a deeper way that what I was able to do before. This means complete acknowledgment of where I have been ingenuine in order to clear a passage for the possibilities I have created for myself.
Example: My dad. I have always wanted a relationship with him. Yet I never could say that to him. Those simple words never came out of my mouth. I said it was because I was scared, or he would reject me, blah blah, story, story. When the truth is I was ingenuine in that relationship. I was not authentic. I wrote my dad a letter about my inauthenticities and called him to read it to him. He actually was happy and wanted to be connected to me too! Who knew? For years, I told myself the story of my dad... that he just wasn't able to connect to me, or wasn't interested, or liked my siblings more, or blah, blah, story, story, story. When in reality, I needed to be authentic in my communication with him! After this call (yesterday) he called me back just to check on me! I do not know if that has ever happened.
I am grateful.
I am sure more will unfold, but for now, I just am. I would go in to the unexpected experiences that I label disheartening, but I am creating the posssibility that those will transform as well. My true hope is that everyone can experience what I am experiencing at this moment... transformation. Living a life of possibility and a transformed existence. It is a beautiful place to live.
Love to all, light to all
DBear