I noticed all the kids have used this "TBT" acronym for a while... Truth Be Told (well, there is also Throwback Thursday)... anyway, since I'm trying to be more cool to our youth, I figured I'd use it too. Ha, not really, I just wanted to use it. But TBT... some days are just shit. For no other reason than that. (Excuse my language if you are one of our youth, elders, or one of my mom's church friends, but I'm just gonna be real for a minute here)
Life can be going along great and bam! Shit just got real. Health scares, medical tests, crazy BS at work, drama everywhere you look and you're just trying to keep the peace, keep your own head above water, help everyone else, be the listener/counselor/peace maker, all while battling your own demons.
Suddenly, I'm not sure if I belong here, if I want to stay, if I even want to continue walking the Red Road... this is totally unlike me. I LOVE MY LIFE. But TBT, it can be a rough ride at times. And not one of those fun rough rides, a ride from hell. It's funny, I just told someone on OKC that today wasn't all sunshine and roses and then I realized I actually had a lot of sunshine today... and even roses from a community member, both in the literal sense. But I also had this fear deep within about my medical stuff, this heartbreak that ceases to let up (over someone I cannot mention, as much as I would love to call her out), and homesickness from hell. Not to mention all the deadlines, the lack of cooperation needed from others to make these deadlines, and all the stress that brings. (Did I mention I'm a bit OCD when it comes to all things evaluation and reports?) Yeah, well, I am.
So there was my truth for the day.
Now of course, I can't end on this note, because I'm too damn positive to end it like that. Everything is ok. Everything is much better. Medically, I have no clue. More tests tomorrow. But I AM OKAY. I Survive. Always. I had the opportunity to reach out to a friend back home (Love you, MM), and she was in need as well. I had my homegroup (Tally homegroup) backing me all the way, and just that support right there made me feel somewhat okay. I had a message from my mom, reminding me how beautiful and important I am. How I have made her proud. (If you know me, my story, or my mom, you know how far we have really come in the last 10 years). Back then, we weren't even sure I would be here to make her proud.
See, it's all about perspective. And that is what I found tonight. Not to mention the elder who was able to teach me the lesson through my perceived heartbreak. I set myself up. Every single time.
But that's another post for another night.
Love to all, light to all
Me
Lif, is tough and that is a fact. We love it when it isn't tough, when it is smooth, all roses and pretty. However, that is just not real as you so well know.
ReplyDeleteIt is during these times (I call them valley times) that God appears when we aren't even expecting it in those little ways that you mention above. Also in these times, yes, our faith is tested and if we keep the faith, keep putting one foot in front of the other, stay as positive as we can, we come out of those valleys a stronger person; one who can add those experiences to our "life's book" and know that we can now share with others one day who may need to hear our trials and how we survived.
Keep your head up, continue to do your good work!!
LUWPTS!!!