I pray to God that my first day of 29 is no indicator of the lessons I will be taught this year... if so, that will include patience. Lots of patience, with myself and others. And one of the agreements I thought I had already learned... to not take anything personally.
So this is how my last 36 hours went down (I'll add my gratitudes shortly)... the birthday started with having to work. Yes, I planned it that way. Because I think work is too important to miss a day... if I am rigorously honest, it is because my ego tells me all things will fall apart if I am not there. Yet I disguise this as "responsibility." Either way, I went to work with a bad attitude, left my wallet at home (which I needed for a few travel reqs at work, and later my vehicle registration), prepared for a meeting in the wrong way (that's a whole story in itself), basically, it was just a day. I didn't do the things I wanted to do, because I chose to work. The real truth is I chose to work. All the drama and stories I attach to it are just that. I am learning patience with myself when I make these choices. It's completely unnecessary to punish myself with a bad attitude or pity party. I simply own up to make choices and act accordingly. I did get to leave work early and spend some time with my parents. After having a special coworker give me flowers, a client give me flowers, and over 100 people wishing me happy birthday. That was pretty awesome. (In case you haven't guessed.. birthdays are important to me. Why? Because I played Russian Roulette with my life multiple times over the course of my life... it's a miracle I am alive)
Now... let's get to today. Everyone knows I am a planner. So for me to commit to a road trip that is not planned out is huge. I thought I was prepared. Until I got in the car. Then, it hit. We are relying on google maps, have no hotel room reserved, actually reserved the rental car an hour before leaving, just whoa. Hold on. I need to plan. Please let me plan this out for you. Please. Nope. Not happening. Talk about a lesson in patience and letting go of control. THEN, I get NO hotspot service on the 9 hour ride to Crescent City (took a very long route), meaning I get very little work done. Irony. I wanted to work even though I used my PTO for this unorganized road trip. I needed to work. So I thought. Yet I got very little done and the sky did not fall. Love it.
I will not get in to the personalities here because this could easily shift into the blame game. But I am learning to speak up for myself, acknowledge my worth, without taking another person's actions personally. Enough on that.
So the GRATITUDE for the last 36 hours... I have spoken to my father Bear 3 times, received his letter this morning (thought I wouldn't get it til returning home Sunday!), have a very special recorded voicemail of him singing to me, was serenaded by three friends, am on my way to Portland to see my brother and friends I collaborate with on a professional level, I have 5 bouquets of flowers from Sunday-Tuesday (there's a long "story" here about how I was always the one giving flowers and never receiving them), and I have been able to watch 3 movies since my parents arrived in Cali. That is a miracle in itself. Oh, and Southern Food Sunday. My mother threw one of these on mother's day in celebration of my birthday and it was a huge hit. So the first Sunday of the month will be Southern Food Sunday on my rooftop patio. I have about 15 friends who are stoked about this, and I am stoked to be hosting! Good motivation for me to get back in the kitchen. I also had the opportunity to speak to my daddy, and am grateful for this. Let's see... I am sure there are many more, but I am tired. Ok, a few more... Pacific Ocean, birds, lighthouses, China, leisure reading, my mama, friends from Florida to California, the old friends I can talk to after forever and it's like no time has passed, forgiveness, and LOVE.
Love to all, Light to all
Me.
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