Well, It's still Monday here. Tuesday on the East Coast :)
Posting early this week, as it's going to be quite eventful. This weekend was eventful as well. Six Flags Vallejo was a lot cooler than I expected. It's like a mix between sea world and an amusement park, plus animals too- the tiger show was amazing. Never in my life have I seen a tiger swim under water... for food of course. I'm sure China would do that for her food ha. The roller coasters were crazy, but I only went on one... not sure why I always do this... think I can take dramamine and the roller coaster will be okay. Insanity. I really don't like them anymore. Happened sometime between 22 and 24- they make me sick. The dramamine keeps the vomit away, but not the feeling of dizziness and thinking I will die. Think I'll stick to rock climbing and zip lining for my thrills. Anything that doesn't require me going upside down or twirling around and I'm good.
The rest of the weekend was quite busy... laundry, babysitting the best 4 year old ever, Olympics viewings with great friends, great food, and a bit of down time. I really am blessed to be out here, and to have friends here.
I'm looking forward to this week, but things will be nonstop from now until.. well, at least September. I have my whirlwind trip to Tampa this weekend, then I will be actively seeking housing here to move first week of September. I haven't had much luck yet, but hoping that will change. People are pretty last minute out here. Like posting on craigslist for a room available... that weekend. I like to plan a bit more than that. However, I remember what I went through getting here, and if I can deal with the last minute a couple of months ago, I can deal with it now.
I am getting more excited about the trip this weekend, but there is part of me that is very sad. I wish I could combine Tampa and Tally in to one, and it's just not possible. I wish my old soul sista was going to be there, but it's highly doubtful. Nonetheless, I remain grateful. I am incredibly grateful for those who choose to show up, support me, be in my life, love me, hell- they're even throwing a party for me. Very cool :) I really couldn't ask for more.
So friends, enjoy your week. Send some positive vibes for my very short layovers (at LAX and Houston) so I can make it there in time. Not so stressed about making it back here in time, but definitely need to make it to TPA with no issues. And this will be the first time I attempt to fly carry-on only. I believe that will go down in history. I am definitely not the most simplistic when it comes to packing. I hope to prove myself wrong tomorrow night :)
Love to all, light to all
DBear
Monday, July 30, 2012
Thursday, July 26, 2012
May there be Peace within...
What to add this week... Let's see, I have officially beat the crud going around work by drinking more emergenC and airborne than should be acceptable. Work is changing, we are losing my first work friend here and will miss her terribly, but she has an opportunity she cannot pass up. I relate. If I had said no to all of the opportunities that came my way these last couple of years, I'd still be stuck in my hometown (no offense to those that are, I'm a Tallahassee lassie always) So with my supervisor's exit, I am tasked with new responsibilities to which I respond, "Yes! bring it! :)"
Since I do not wish to turn in to that person that only has a work life, I've been keeping up with my workouts, my fellowship, and friends here. Last weekend, I experienced Santa Cruz for the first time. Incredible. I highly recommend it.... On eight hours of sleep. Or any sleep for that matter. Some things do not change, me without sleep is one of those things- I am an unpleasant monster. Lesson learned.
I also celebrated a milestone tonight. A 5 year mark I would have celebrated last month, but was writing a grant til 10 that evening. It worked out the way it was supposed to. I realized that I am always right where I need to be. Always. I've also recognized this peace within... A peace I hadn't recognized on a while. No gnawing fears or anxieties, just peace. Not elation, just peace. I love it. Not sure when it came, maybe once I was still enough to feel it... I am grateful.
I head to Florida next week for graduation. That will have to be another blog entry, I still haven't wrapped my brain around how I went from high school drop out to simply wanting to finish my AA degree to the BSW to here... MPH. Many honors have come my way academically, many experiences I never expected to encounter, but it isn't about all of that- its about how far Great Spirit can bring me when I allow myself to be guided. When I allow myself to be disciplined, and believe I deserve good things. That right there is far deeper than any piece of paper or letters behind my name. And finally realizing that... Well, that's a priceless gift from above, within, without, all around...
I am grateful.
So there's my thoughts for tonight. Scattered as they may be, I allow the soul to move me. This is where I find freedom. This is where I find I am free to be me.
Love to all, light to all,
DBear
Since I do not wish to turn in to that person that only has a work life, I've been keeping up with my workouts, my fellowship, and friends here. Last weekend, I experienced Santa Cruz for the first time. Incredible. I highly recommend it.... On eight hours of sleep. Or any sleep for that matter. Some things do not change, me without sleep is one of those things- I am an unpleasant monster. Lesson learned.
I also celebrated a milestone tonight. A 5 year mark I would have celebrated last month, but was writing a grant til 10 that evening. It worked out the way it was supposed to. I realized that I am always right where I need to be. Always. I've also recognized this peace within... A peace I hadn't recognized on a while. No gnawing fears or anxieties, just peace. Not elation, just peace. I love it. Not sure when it came, maybe once I was still enough to feel it... I am grateful.
I head to Florida next week for graduation. That will have to be another blog entry, I still haven't wrapped my brain around how I went from high school drop out to simply wanting to finish my AA degree to the BSW to here... MPH. Many honors have come my way academically, many experiences I never expected to encounter, but it isn't about all of that- its about how far Great Spirit can bring me when I allow myself to be guided. When I allow myself to be disciplined, and believe I deserve good things. That right there is far deeper than any piece of paper or letters behind my name. And finally realizing that... Well, that's a priceless gift from above, within, without, all around...
I am grateful.
So there's my thoughts for tonight. Scattered as they may be, I allow the soul to move me. This is where I find freedom. This is where I find I am free to be me.
Love to all, light to all,
DBear
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Take flight
Wow, has it already been a week since my last post? Life here is crazy busy, but I love it. Let's see... I am writing on my lunch "break" today because I do not know when I will have time later, if that gives you an idea of the schedule I am keeping.
I did go to see Joy Harjo last week, and that was beyond incredible. There are no words to describe the experience. I highly recommend her memoir, Crazy Brave. Even better, see her read excerpts of her work, play the flute, sing her songs, brilliant. She is the epitome of who I hope to be... one day. Speaking of, I will be getting a new flute eventually. I had a beautiful Native American flute years ago, but a dog I rescued chose to eat said flute. I understand, it does look like a giant bone/chew toy. Such is life. Seeing Joy also inspired me to finish reading the book I was reading (Closure and the Law of Relationship), and get back to writing. I allowed Spirit to guide me and wrote one of the most healing pieces of work I have written in a while... I may share eventually... that requires more vulnerability.
The following day was not as calm and centered as the feeling her performance left me with... I had to work, then prepare for a camping trip. I am shocked at the time and energy prepping for camping requires. I did get an awesome tent for only $36 (this is apparently unheard of), and went through rounds and rounds of "issues" with sleeping arrangements. For those of you who do not know about my physical issues, sleeping is a bit of a problem. The first night, I could only get the air mattress hald inflated and woke up in more pain than I have felt in years. However, this could not hold me down because hiking was in order. My first hiking experience with a 4 year old is noteworthy. It involved a lot of stops, creativity games, and finally her deciding to become a hill runner so we could up our timing on the steep inclines. 3 miles of East Bay hiking felt like 10 miles of Florida hiking. Similar to Colorado, but without the high altitude issues- my lungs thank me. The next night, sleeping was a problem again. My air mattress compressor went missing (I am still baffled by why one would steal from such a nice camp ground, oh humanity...), but we figured out a way to make it work. Given that we were only 20 mins from my friend's house, we cheated. That's right. Judge me if you wish. We went home to shower, have amazing organic Chinese food, and borrow couch cushions for my second night of sleeping. Success! Having to wake up the next morning to get to a 10K in San Francisco was not as much fun... zombie. But I did it. I drove home, grabbed my tens unit, and showed up to GG Park like a champ. The Walk was highly successful- I believe over 25,000 people there to walk for AIDS. Amazing. The fact that I didn't die after all of this- even more amazing. I did have to deal with the swollen knees, but such is life.
As much as I wanted to go home and sleep the night away, I had to get myself together for a date Sunday night. Yes, I am dating. For the first time in.... well, ever. I have always just been in relationships. Or out of them. Or getting over one. Or halfway in one. So this is a nice change. The date was nice. If anything, I have made a new friend, and that's cool. It's all new to me, so I am just going with the flow, and enjoying it all along the way.
So that my friends, is one very eventful weekend in the East Bay. The week has been equally eventful with work, and workouts at The Perfect Sidekick. I also talked to an old friend/ soul sista (whatever I should call her) yesterday and it was needed. Still finding closure in certain areas, but such is life. I am realizing that regardless of other people- where they are, and how they feel, what they do or don't do- my life is great. I am able to fly. If others want to be part of this, that is great; if not, I love them anyway. And that's all on that.
Back to work :)
Love to all, light to all
DBear
I did go to see Joy Harjo last week, and that was beyond incredible. There are no words to describe the experience. I highly recommend her memoir, Crazy Brave. Even better, see her read excerpts of her work, play the flute, sing her songs, brilliant. She is the epitome of who I hope to be... one day. Speaking of, I will be getting a new flute eventually. I had a beautiful Native American flute years ago, but a dog I rescued chose to eat said flute. I understand, it does look like a giant bone/chew toy. Such is life. Seeing Joy also inspired me to finish reading the book I was reading (Closure and the Law of Relationship), and get back to writing. I allowed Spirit to guide me and wrote one of the most healing pieces of work I have written in a while... I may share eventually... that requires more vulnerability.
The following day was not as calm and centered as the feeling her performance left me with... I had to work, then prepare for a camping trip. I am shocked at the time and energy prepping for camping requires. I did get an awesome tent for only $36 (this is apparently unheard of), and went through rounds and rounds of "issues" with sleeping arrangements. For those of you who do not know about my physical issues, sleeping is a bit of a problem. The first night, I could only get the air mattress hald inflated and woke up in more pain than I have felt in years. However, this could not hold me down because hiking was in order. My first hiking experience with a 4 year old is noteworthy. It involved a lot of stops, creativity games, and finally her deciding to become a hill runner so we could up our timing on the steep inclines. 3 miles of East Bay hiking felt like 10 miles of Florida hiking. Similar to Colorado, but without the high altitude issues- my lungs thank me. The next night, sleeping was a problem again. My air mattress compressor went missing (I am still baffled by why one would steal from such a nice camp ground, oh humanity...), but we figured out a way to make it work. Given that we were only 20 mins from my friend's house, we cheated. That's right. Judge me if you wish. We went home to shower, have amazing organic Chinese food, and borrow couch cushions for my second night of sleeping. Success! Having to wake up the next morning to get to a 10K in San Francisco was not as much fun... zombie. But I did it. I drove home, grabbed my tens unit, and showed up to GG Park like a champ. The Walk was highly successful- I believe over 25,000 people there to walk for AIDS. Amazing. The fact that I didn't die after all of this- even more amazing. I did have to deal with the swollen knees, but such is life.
As much as I wanted to go home and sleep the night away, I had to get myself together for a date Sunday night. Yes, I am dating. For the first time in.... well, ever. I have always just been in relationships. Or out of them. Or getting over one. Or halfway in one. So this is a nice change. The date was nice. If anything, I have made a new friend, and that's cool. It's all new to me, so I am just going with the flow, and enjoying it all along the way.
So that my friends, is one very eventful weekend in the East Bay. The week has been equally eventful with work, and workouts at The Perfect Sidekick. I also talked to an old friend/ soul sista (whatever I should call her) yesterday and it was needed. Still finding closure in certain areas, but such is life. I am realizing that regardless of other people- where they are, and how they feel, what they do or don't do- my life is great. I am able to fly. If others want to be part of this, that is great; if not, I love them anyway. And that's all on that.
Back to work :)
Love to all, light to all
DBear
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Left foot, right foot, Fly
So for my weekly update... this has probably been one of the hardest here yet. Sunday afternoon brought a heart full of sadness, with news that an amazing life was taken in a motorcycle accident. I don't really feel like discussing it, but it's just been difficult seeing all of my ladies back home (Tampa home) struggling through Sandy's death and being so far away. And feeling my own sadness as well. This is the decision I made though... to move 3,000 miles away, and live life here. With that, comes death. Even the most tragic and unexpected. I cannot simply teleport myself back to Florida, no matter how much I wish I could. All I can do is make calls for friends, answer calls and texts, do my part to help wherever I can, from here... so that's what I've done. To the best of my ability. So that was Sunday, and Monday, I went to work, but my heart and mind were in Tampa... My boss let me take my flex day on Tuesday, and she didn't even know my struggles, she just knew I was working a lot lately and had a free schedule yesterday so I got to take it. Needed it more than I knew. I also joined The Perfect Sidekick on Monday, which is something I have wanted to do since I moved here... needed that more than I knew as well (feel free to google... it's pretty bad ass)
So here I am tonight, feeling like it's been 2 weeks since Sunday, and it's only Wednesday night. One of the cool things about the timing of my move here is my friend, Kylie, from Tallahassee was out here visiting when I arrived. She introduced me to her BFF, Cassie, and Cassie's daughter, Jasia. They have become my instant fam. Last night, I went and had dinner there. Friday, I will go camping up in Redwood area with them, and enjoying some nature walks Saturday morning. I also met another cool friend here, Celia, and we will hike Saturday afternoon then head up to San Leandro for a meeting (Bob Darrell will be in town, equally bad ass.) Sunday, is the 10K AIDS Walk in SF. There's definitely not a dull moment. For that, I am truly grateful. Oh, and I get to see Joy Harjo tomorrow night at St. Paul's Episcopal :)
I think the most valuable lesson about this last month is that just because I am across the country, this does not mean everything I was dealing with in Florida has vanished... wherever I go, there I am... so I am still working on some closure stuff with a past relationship, and that is okay. I can do that today. I can walk through painful experiences, and fly at the same time. I can enjoy this beautiful life I've been given, and realize it could be over in any minute. So it's up to me to make the best of it. If that means working through old wounds to heal and find more happiness, so be it. It is what it is, and it's all good.
Love to all, light to all,
DBear
So here I am tonight, feeling like it's been 2 weeks since Sunday, and it's only Wednesday night. One of the cool things about the timing of my move here is my friend, Kylie, from Tallahassee was out here visiting when I arrived. She introduced me to her BFF, Cassie, and Cassie's daughter, Jasia. They have become my instant fam. Last night, I went and had dinner there. Friday, I will go camping up in Redwood area with them, and enjoying some nature walks Saturday morning. I also met another cool friend here, Celia, and we will hike Saturday afternoon then head up to San Leandro for a meeting (Bob Darrell will be in town, equally bad ass.) Sunday, is the 10K AIDS Walk in SF. There's definitely not a dull moment. For that, I am truly grateful. Oh, and I get to see Joy Harjo tomorrow night at St. Paul's Episcopal :)
I think the most valuable lesson about this last month is that just because I am across the country, this does not mean everything I was dealing with in Florida has vanished... wherever I go, there I am... so I am still working on some closure stuff with a past relationship, and that is okay. I can do that today. I can walk through painful experiences, and fly at the same time. I can enjoy this beautiful life I've been given, and realize it could be over in any minute. So it's up to me to make the best of it. If that means working through old wounds to heal and find more happiness, so be it. It is what it is, and it's all good.
Love to all, light to all,
DBear
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Rockin the East Bay
When I first started this blog, I thought I would blog daily. Hilarious. Especially considering I was in grad school and working 2 and 3 jobs at the time. Oddly enough, I feel busier now working one "real world" job with no school (well, I do have a few requirements left for graduation, but that's nothing compared to 3 and 4 classes at a time) At this point, I am simply aiming to update once a week. Especially about experience of this move. It will be cool to look back on these experiences one day. It's already fun to read past blogs, and introspective. My journals, on the other hand, should not be re-read. Ever :p
So what's up with life here? It's in session, for sure. I feel like I have been here much longer than it's been (just now a month? Wow) My first week was just one giant fog. I definitely could have used a week to rest, but I hit the ground running... getting involved with the fellowships here, signing up for commitment meetings, speaking, hit two conferences (one was more of a day-long workshop deal), checking out the sites of the East Bay, going in to the city for work at least once a week (not this week though, thank goodness!), Pride weekend, last weekend in the city for a conference, and work. Lots and lots of work. I love it! But wow. No wonder I'm tired!
I do love that I have quiet time in Oakland, but can still go in to the city when I want. And there are countless trails and hiking spots within a short drive from my house. I also just realized Santa Cruz is only an hour and a half away... I've wanted to go there for some time. Yosemite is only a couple of hours away. But I will wait until I have more than a weekend to go there. Then there are all the areas of Oakland to explore, I really like it. I thought I would prefer living in the city, but this seems to be a nice fit. Sunshine, but cool weather at night, not too much fog, but I get to see the fog over the city, a lot of hiking spots, tons of farmer markets, yoga at Lake Merritt, Piedmont, Temescal, Jack London Square, so much to explore. Oh, and free yoga at Intertribal Friendship House on Tuesday night, that will be my new Tuesday staple. And Berkeley is about 5 minutes from me as well, so that is nice to visit (at times lol) Emeryville is eh, so-so. Looks like a mini pleasantville with all the Pixar execs in their ridiculously priced houses. My street looks run down until you drive 0.5 miles and get to Emeryville. I still don't understand how the wealth is so disproportionate here. Same when you cross over to Berkeley. But that's for another time.
All in all, I'm enjoying it here. I am just tired. Energy is low. So I will sleep very well tonight, and be back on my game tomorrow :)
Oh, I should mention my 4th of July, because it was pretty awesome. I have joined these MeetUp groups... various social club type groups (not hoity toity type, that's just all I can think to compare it to), but they have them for hiking, rock climbing, LGBT events, photography, etc... So I joined the East Bay hikers the morning of July 4th at Lafayette Reservoir. Beautiful. Then, I hung with Cassie and Jasia for the rest of the day. They are in a REALLY nice area called Moraga (I'm wondering if that is what the Oakland Hills are or if it's just Moraga) but it reminds me of a little mountain town. A little too wealthy for me to feel like I'd ever live there, or be comfortable there, but it's nice. They have a great neighborhood, so it was cool to see all of the families get together for BBQ and fireworks. I love that I met Cassie and Jasia, it's like an instafamily right when I moved here :) And yes, my biological clock has been screaming at me. (I will talk more about that later, but Cass is part of Single Moms by Choice group... I am considering checking it out...5 year plan) For now, I just enjoy learning about it and thinking about my future. I am without a doubt where I belong, and that is good by me.
That's about all I've got for tonight. Nice respite from the grant I'm writing. Those who know me well can tell that this post is definitely low energy, but it's better than none :)
Love to all, Light to all,
DBear
So what's up with life here? It's in session, for sure. I feel like I have been here much longer than it's been (just now a month? Wow) My first week was just one giant fog. I definitely could have used a week to rest, but I hit the ground running... getting involved with the fellowships here, signing up for commitment meetings, speaking, hit two conferences (one was more of a day-long workshop deal), checking out the sites of the East Bay, going in to the city for work at least once a week (not this week though, thank goodness!), Pride weekend, last weekend in the city for a conference, and work. Lots and lots of work. I love it! But wow. No wonder I'm tired!
I do love that I have quiet time in Oakland, but can still go in to the city when I want. And there are countless trails and hiking spots within a short drive from my house. I also just realized Santa Cruz is only an hour and a half away... I've wanted to go there for some time. Yosemite is only a couple of hours away. But I will wait until I have more than a weekend to go there. Then there are all the areas of Oakland to explore, I really like it. I thought I would prefer living in the city, but this seems to be a nice fit. Sunshine, but cool weather at night, not too much fog, but I get to see the fog over the city, a lot of hiking spots, tons of farmer markets, yoga at Lake Merritt, Piedmont, Temescal, Jack London Square, so much to explore. Oh, and free yoga at Intertribal Friendship House on Tuesday night, that will be my new Tuesday staple. And Berkeley is about 5 minutes from me as well, so that is nice to visit (at times lol) Emeryville is eh, so-so. Looks like a mini pleasantville with all the Pixar execs in their ridiculously priced houses. My street looks run down until you drive 0.5 miles and get to Emeryville. I still don't understand how the wealth is so disproportionate here. Same when you cross over to Berkeley. But that's for another time.
All in all, I'm enjoying it here. I am just tired. Energy is low. So I will sleep very well tonight, and be back on my game tomorrow :)
Oh, I should mention my 4th of July, because it was pretty awesome. I have joined these MeetUp groups... various social club type groups (not hoity toity type, that's just all I can think to compare it to), but they have them for hiking, rock climbing, LGBT events, photography, etc... So I joined the East Bay hikers the morning of July 4th at Lafayette Reservoir. Beautiful. Then, I hung with Cassie and Jasia for the rest of the day. They are in a REALLY nice area called Moraga (I'm wondering if that is what the Oakland Hills are or if it's just Moraga) but it reminds me of a little mountain town. A little too wealthy for me to feel like I'd ever live there, or be comfortable there, but it's nice. They have a great neighborhood, so it was cool to see all of the families get together for BBQ and fireworks. I love that I met Cassie and Jasia, it's like an instafamily right when I moved here :) And yes, my biological clock has been screaming at me. (I will talk more about that later, but Cass is part of Single Moms by Choice group... I am considering checking it out...5 year plan) For now, I just enjoy learning about it and thinking about my future. I am without a doubt where I belong, and that is good by me.
That's about all I've got for tonight. Nice respite from the grant I'm writing. Those who know me well can tell that this post is definitely low energy, but it's better than none :)
Love to all, Light to all,
DBear
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