Why cry when you can Fly

I can hardly believe it's been two weeks since writing... or should I say "only" two weeks... as so much life has occurred since my last post. I had to take a moment, many moments, to reflect.... as that is what I do. And with reflection comes gratitude. Always.
See, I have been taught to remain grateful. I used to write lists every night of things I was grateful for, today my gratitude usually comes in the form of lessons learned through whatever experiences I encounter... most of which are opportunities of growth. At times, the gratitude comes instantly. Other times, it is a matter of hindsight.
I think the one thing I keep in the forefront of my mind is that no matter what, things do improve. Regardless of how today is, tomorrow will be different. Better or worse, it will always be different. I've had a lot of those thoughts in recent weeks.
A couple of weeks ago, I was torn down by a verbal assault... literally, it was like I was on the firing line with no bullet proof vest. Not long after, I abruptly excused myself from my position at work and transferred in to another job. A few days later, finals would begin. And the night before my first (most difficult) final, my father called me letting me know my paternal grandmother (Nanny) was going home as the facility she was in could no longer help her, and Hospice was being called. Shortly thereafter, sometime during finals week, I began having a flare up of my GI issues (a ball of non-stop fiery pain is the only way to describe it), and was also an insomniac all week. Then after finals, I was able to leave Tampa to come home early, only to break down on I-75 and be stranded in Gainesville... which ended up ruining my surprise for my mother by the way, as I planned to arrive to Tallahassee in time to hear her concert at church. YET, I am so calm. (Full disclosure: last Monday, I was nearly psychotic over finals, but one break down in the midst of life's storms is okay, as long as I have a lot of support around me to ward off the hail... which I do.)
So how does one stay relatively calm? Gratitude. For me, this gratitude comes from the Spirit, but also from an army of friends and family, and a good "upbringing" on the power of reflection and clarity. I am so blessed to be able to do this... to take time and discuss with another or go inward and reflect. It truly is a priceless treasure.
What has this reflection given me? The knowledge that I do have coping skills and support around me (I was told I had none of those during that verbal assault I mentioned); the awareness of how truly blessed I am in my new position at work... I have such an appreciative boss, the freedom of working from home or while traveling, much less stress, and no drama. All of these make me grateful. I am also reminded of how blessed I am to be in graduate school, and have the brain God gave me to take my finals and ace my classes. And that I will be completely finished with my master's degree in August... for a girl who just wanted to finish my AA degree, this is truly a miracle. I am reminded that all my Nanny ever wanted was for me to succeed and find something more out of life than dead end jobs. Also, her going home has sparked some joy in her, and she is doing better than expected... gratitude in hindsight. The breaking down on the side of I-75 gave me the immediate gratitude... I was immediately aware of how blessed I am that I had a coat to keep me warm while standing outside for an hour to wait on a tow, that I was able to pull far enough off the interstate where semis would not hit me, that I did not have my cat with me (she would not have appreciated the 5 hour detour), it was not dark or raining, the break down did not happen during finals week, and I have an awesome step-dad that went to Gainesville to pick me up.... and has let me use his vehicle on top of it all! Now, I have not yet reached the "grateful to be facing $2000 in repairs" but it's progress, not perfection.
So there we have it. The miracle of gratitude. A lot of things that would make grown men cry or push the grad students to the bottles all cured with an amazing outline for living, a lot of support, and a heart filled with gratitude.
Yes, I know it's December, and last month was gratitude month, but I hope you were able to find some glimpse of this within from reading today. Most of all, I hope you Fly...
DBear