One of the reasons New Year's is my favorite times of year is because it gives me an opportunity to reflect on lessons I have learned in the past year, as well as gratitude for blessings the year has given me. I was going to write 10 lessons from 2011, but I am too anal for that :)
Lesson #1- No matter how far I travel, or how old I become, I will always need my mother. Whether it be for advice, to vent, cooking questions, or just to be here when I am ill, there is nothing like the bond between a mother and daughter. This year, we have grown closer than ever, and I am grateful.
Lesson #2- Never give up. Ever. (Unless you are giving up something that is harming yourself or another... more on that later). For this one, my biggest lesson has to come in the form of education and employment. Not giving up has led to paid tuition, health insurance, all A's this year in my graduate program, and who knows what it will lead to in the future? Many opportunities ahead for 2012 simply because I remained persistent and determined.
Lesson #3- You can let go without leaving claw marks. I learned this the hard way from leaving claw marks in times past. (I am not claiming perfection on this lesson, I just have scratched the surface- all pun intended). This year, I was given the opportunity to let go with love of a couple of friends. I did not have to fight or question it or try to fix it, I could just let go, and today we can talk without them being totally dependent on me. Now, in terms of full disclosure, I have not been able to do that with another, but that relationship is a lot deeper and has been in my life for a much longer period of time. Moving on...
Lesson #4- Always follow your heart. Not following my heart has led to a lot of questioning and anguish this year. More will be discussed on this next year, I am sure... But I am grateful for this realization as it is opening many doors for me in 2012.
Lesson #5- You can do everything in your power to be in control and still feel completely out of control... quote of the year... "my controlling natures are out of control." -Me
Lesson #6- Facebook and text messages are not an adequate substitute for real human interaction. Do you ever miss just talking on the phone for an hour with a friend, or going to coffee and really catching up? I do. It seems the world of social networking and text have robbed us of these interactions. More importantly, they have left too much room for miscommunication and losses in translation...
Lesson #7- Politicians are not gods. Therefore, any politician who judges anyone based on their sexual identity automatically loses my respect. This year has been filled with those... I will just let that one be that...
Lesson #8- No matter how much you give someone- whether it be money, gifts, attention, time, or general overall thoughtfulness- you can not make that person appreciate you. You must be confident enough in yourself to appreciate you. And if that isn't enough, just stop doing for them and they will realize what they had when you're gone :)
Lesson #9- The other thing that is "til death do you part" is life. -Me. That's it. Everything else- you have a choice to take a different path.
Lesson #10- When it seems everyone around you has changed, it may just be that you have changed. And this is okay.
Lesson #11- It is okay to be single for an entire year. It is actually the best decision one can make for themselves. I am beyond grateful I had the opportunity to spend the entire calendar year single :)
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Saturday, December 17, 2011
The ego driven relationships
We have all met that person who has a "human god" in their lives... You know, one who can do no wrong, be it a son or daughter, a spouse or partner, a mentor, anyone... They idolize them and worship the ground they walk on, believing in their heart of hearts that the target of their affection is beyond human, a god of sorts, and can literally do no wrong. I typically call this a raging co-dependent state of mind. It's annoying on its best days, downright destructive on its worst.
But what about when it's the other way around? What about the person who has someone in their life that always does wrong, or at least that's their perception. They can never see the positive, even if it's right in front of their eyes... Especially if it's right in front of their eyes. Maybe they are like this out of fear? Or because they do not believe they deserve positive energy? Or because they simply want to put someone down below them, even if this person is so very close to them- especially if they are close... This type of person can be equally as destructive to their target, if not more so... I do not yet have a name for it... Raging co-dependent doesn't fit... Maybe ego maniac with an inferiority complex...
I have compassion for both types of individuals living out both sides of an unhealthy existence. Why? Because I have been there. I have been the one idolizing another; I've been the one coddled through all of my wrongs; I've been the fault finder who can find no good; and I've been the one who is subject to the wrath of a negative nancy (or Ned.) I simply had not thought of it in this way until tonight. I did know that I had the potential to live on both sides of the fence. I recently attempted to change this with one person and these attempts were refused. This led me to ponder these types of personal relations with deeper insights... What I came up with can be explained by three simple letters... Ego
See, both sides remind me of ego. One is "I can save this person by simply thinking they are the best" or "This person deserves my everything and can do no wrong because I said so" or the other side of ego: "This person does not deserve to be praised for any good they do because in my eyes, they only do wrong, an my eyes are the only set of eyes that matter." whew that's some powerful ego there.
What if I could be different? What if we all could be different? We could all see one another and ourselves for exactly as we are... Fallable human beings capable of "good" and "bad" deserving of praise, yet worthy of honest friends and family who can *gently* point out our faults. That would be humility... Seeing ourselves and each other exactly as we are. Yet where would that leave room for individual perception? That will be another blog for another time. My thoughts until then... Am I being Spiritually guided or emotionally driven?
DBear
But what about when it's the other way around? What about the person who has someone in their life that always does wrong, or at least that's their perception. They can never see the positive, even if it's right in front of their eyes... Especially if it's right in front of their eyes. Maybe they are like this out of fear? Or because they do not believe they deserve positive energy? Or because they simply want to put someone down below them, even if this person is so very close to them- especially if they are close... This type of person can be equally as destructive to their target, if not more so... I do not yet have a name for it... Raging co-dependent doesn't fit... Maybe ego maniac with an inferiority complex...
I have compassion for both types of individuals living out both sides of an unhealthy existence. Why? Because I have been there. I have been the one idolizing another; I've been the one coddled through all of my wrongs; I've been the fault finder who can find no good; and I've been the one who is subject to the wrath of a negative nancy (or Ned.) I simply had not thought of it in this way until tonight. I did know that I had the potential to live on both sides of the fence. I recently attempted to change this with one person and these attempts were refused. This led me to ponder these types of personal relations with deeper insights... What I came up with can be explained by three simple letters... Ego
See, both sides remind me of ego. One is "I can save this person by simply thinking they are the best" or "This person deserves my everything and can do no wrong because I said so" or the other side of ego: "This person does not deserve to be praised for any good they do because in my eyes, they only do wrong, an my eyes are the only set of eyes that matter." whew that's some powerful ego there.
What if I could be different? What if we all could be different? We could all see one another and ourselves for exactly as we are... Fallable human beings capable of "good" and "bad" deserving of praise, yet worthy of honest friends and family who can *gently* point out our faults. That would be humility... Seeing ourselves and each other exactly as we are. Yet where would that leave room for individual perception? That will be another blog for another time. My thoughts until then... Am I being Spiritually guided or emotionally driven?
DBear
Thursday, December 15, 2011
A letter worth reading...
I received the following in an email this morning. While I do not forward a lot of emails, this is one I wanted everybody to read! It's perfect. Recently, I posted the Rick Perry ad on my facebook page in disbelief of his comments about gays serving in the military and complaining that our kids couldn't pray in school. Me posting that (in support of all LGBT community, all military, etc) elicited some heated comments from a facebook friend who supports prayer in school. I typically do not discuss my religious beliefs or spirituality as that is personal to me. However, I do believe in freedom of religion and am not one to ever demand someone pray to Jesus or stop praying to Allah, pray in public or sport a cross. It's just not my style. I respect most all religions (the religion, not the zealot who persecutes others in the name of their religion.) So you will not see me demanding prayer in school or demanding Merry Christmas over Happy Holidays. Why? Because I know many great people who share different beliefs. Some of which have saved my life. So please read below, regardless of what you believe. Share, comment, reflect, or just forget it... But read it all first :) Open-mindedness is a beautiful thing.
P.S. Posting from iPhone so please excuse any grammatical errors
"It has come to my attention that many of you are upset that folks are taking My name out of the season.
How I personally feel about this celebration can probably be most easily understood by those of you who have been blessed with children of your own. I don't care what you call the day. If you want to celebrate My birth, just GET ALONG AND LOVE ONE ANOTHER.
Now, having said that let Me go on. If it bothers you that the town in which you live doesn't allow a scene depicting My birth, then just get rid of a couple of Santas and snowmen and put in a small Nativity scene on your own front lawn. If all My followers did that there wouldn't be any need for a Nativity scene on the town square because there would be so many of them all around town.
Stop worrying about the fact that people are calling the tree a Holiday Tree instead of a Christmas Tree. It was I who made all trees. You can remember Me anytime you see any tree. Decorate a grape vine if you wish. I actually spoke of that one in a teaching, explaining who I am in relation to you and what each of our tasks were. If you have forgotten that one, then look up John 15: 1 - 8.
If you are all in a twit because you can't pray in town hall, what's wrong with your closet? I'm pretty high on that one. No one is stopping you from praying. Try it when you get home. Who knows - you might like it. Remember - there is not a soul in the world who can prevent you from praying, unless of course you have a need to exhibit yourself in public.
If you want to give Me a present in remembrance of My birth here is my wish list. Choose something from it:
1. Instead of writing protest letters objecting to the way My birthday is being celebrated, write letters of love and hope to soldiers away from home. They are terribly afraid and lonely this time of year. I know, they tell Me all the time.
2. Visit someone in a nursing home. You don't have to know them personally. They just need to know that someone cares about them.
3. Instead of writing the President complaining about the wording on the cards his staff sent out this year, why don't you write and tell him that you'll be praying for him and his family this year. Then follow up... It will be nice hearing from you again.
4. Instead of giving your children a lot of gifts you can't afford and they don't need anyway, spend time with them. Tell them the story of My birth, and why I came to live with you down here. Hold them in your arms and remind them that I love them.
5 Pick someone that has hurt you in the past and forgive him or her.
6. Did you know that someone in your town will attempt to take their own life this season because they feel so alone and hopeless? Since you don't know who that person is, try giving everyone you meet a warm smile; it could make the difference.
7. Instead of nit picking about what the retailer in your town calls the holiday, be patient with the people who work there. Give them a warm smile and a kind word. Even if they aren't allowed to wish you a "Merry Christmas " that doesn't keep you from wishing them one. Then stop shopping there on Sunday. If the store didn't make so much money on that day they'd close and let their employees spend the day at home with their families.
8. If you really want to make a difference, support a missionary-- especially one who takes My love and Good News to those who have never heard My name.
9. Here's a good one. There are individuals and whole families in your town who not only will have no "Christmas" tree, but neither will they have any presents to give or receive. If you don't know them, buy some food and a few gifts and give them to the Salvation Army or some other charity which believes in Me and they will make the delivery for you.
10. Finally, if you want to make a statement about your belief in and loyalty to Me, then behave like a Christian and get away from all this redneckreligion where you feel that people are suppose to curtsy to you because you feel you have “a corner” on Christmas. Let people know by your actions that you are one of mine.
Don't forget; I am God and can take care of Myself. Just love Me and do
what I have told you to do. I'll take care of all the rest. Checkout the list above and get to work; time is short. I'll help you, but the ball is now in your court. And do have a most blessed Christmas with all those whom you love.
I LOVE YOU,
JESUS"
P.S. Posting from iPhone so please excuse any grammatical errors
"It has come to my attention that many of you are upset that folks are taking My name out of the season.
How I personally feel about this celebration can probably be most easily understood by those of you who have been blessed with children of your own. I don't care what you call the day. If you want to celebrate My birth, just GET ALONG AND LOVE ONE ANOTHER.
Now, having said that let Me go on. If it bothers you that the town in which you live doesn't allow a scene depicting My birth, then just get rid of a couple of Santas and snowmen and put in a small Nativity scene on your own front lawn. If all My followers did that there wouldn't be any need for a Nativity scene on the town square because there would be so many of them all around town.
Stop worrying about the fact that people are calling the tree a Holiday Tree instead of a Christmas Tree. It was I who made all trees. You can remember Me anytime you see any tree. Decorate a grape vine if you wish. I actually spoke of that one in a teaching, explaining who I am in relation to you and what each of our tasks were. If you have forgotten that one, then look up John 15: 1 - 8.
If you are all in a twit because you can't pray in town hall, what's wrong with your closet? I'm pretty high on that one. No one is stopping you from praying. Try it when you get home. Who knows - you might like it. Remember - there is not a soul in the world who can prevent you from praying, unless of course you have a need to exhibit yourself in public.
If you want to give Me a present in remembrance of My birth here is my wish list. Choose something from it:
1. Instead of writing protest letters objecting to the way My birthday is being celebrated, write letters of love and hope to soldiers away from home. They are terribly afraid and lonely this time of year. I know, they tell Me all the time.
2. Visit someone in a nursing home. You don't have to know them personally. They just need to know that someone cares about them.
3. Instead of writing the President complaining about the wording on the cards his staff sent out this year, why don't you write and tell him that you'll be praying for him and his family this year. Then follow up... It will be nice hearing from you again.
4. Instead of giving your children a lot of gifts you can't afford and they don't need anyway, spend time with them. Tell them the story of My birth, and why I came to live with you down here. Hold them in your arms and remind them that I love them.
5 Pick someone that has hurt you in the past and forgive him or her.
6. Did you know that someone in your town will attempt to take their own life this season because they feel so alone and hopeless? Since you don't know who that person is, try giving everyone you meet a warm smile; it could make the difference.
7. Instead of nit picking about what the retailer in your town calls the holiday, be patient with the people who work there. Give them a warm smile and a kind word. Even if they aren't allowed to wish you a "Merry Christmas " that doesn't keep you from wishing them one. Then stop shopping there on Sunday. If the store didn't make so much money on that day they'd close and let their employees spend the day at home with their families.
8. If you really want to make a difference, support a missionary-- especially one who takes My love and Good News to those who have never heard My name.
9. Here's a good one. There are individuals and whole families in your town who not only will have no "Christmas" tree, but neither will they have any presents to give or receive. If you don't know them, buy some food and a few gifts and give them to the Salvation Army or some other charity which believes in Me and they will make the delivery for you.
10. Finally, if you want to make a statement about your belief in and loyalty to Me, then behave like a Christian and get away from all this redneckreligion where you feel that people are suppose to curtsy to you because you feel you have “a corner” on Christmas. Let people know by your actions that you are one of mine.
Don't forget; I am God and can take care of Myself. Just love Me and do
what I have told you to do. I'll take care of all the rest. Checkout the list above and get to work; time is short. I'll help you, but the ball is now in your court. And do have a most blessed Christmas with all those whom you love.
I LOVE YOU,
JESUS"
Monday, December 12, 2011
Why cry when you can Fly
I can hardly believe it's been two weeks since writing... or should I say "only" two weeks... as so much life has occurred since my last post. I had to take a moment, many moments, to reflect.... as that is what I do. And with reflection comes gratitude. Always.
See, I have been taught to remain grateful. I used to write lists every night of things I was grateful for, today my gratitude usually comes in the form of lessons learned through whatever experiences I encounter... most of which are opportunities of growth. At times, the gratitude comes instantly. Other times, it is a matter of hindsight.
I think the one thing I keep in the forefront of my mind is that no matter what, things do improve. Regardless of how today is, tomorrow will be different. Better or worse, it will always be different. I've had a lot of those thoughts in recent weeks.
A couple of weeks ago, I was torn down by a verbal assault... literally, it was like I was on the firing line with no bullet proof vest. Not long after, I abruptly excused myself from my position at work and transferred in to another job. A few days later, finals would begin. And the night before my first (most difficult) final, my father called me letting me know my paternal grandmother (Nanny) was going home as the facility she was in could no longer help her, and Hospice was being called. Shortly thereafter, sometime during finals week, I began having a flare up of my GI issues (a ball of non-stop fiery pain is the only way to describe it), and was also an insomniac all week. Then after finals, I was able to leave Tampa to come home early, only to break down on I-75 and be stranded in Gainesville... which ended up ruining my surprise for my mother by the way, as I planned to arrive to Tallahassee in time to hear her concert at church. YET, I am so calm. (Full disclosure: last Monday, I was nearly psychotic over finals, but one break down in the midst of life's storms is okay, as long as I have a lot of support around me to ward off the hail... which I do.)
So how does one stay relatively calm? Gratitude. For me, this gratitude comes from the Spirit, but also from an army of friends and family, and a good "upbringing" on the power of reflection and clarity. I am so blessed to be able to do this... to take time and discuss with another or go inward and reflect. It truly is a priceless treasure.
What has this reflection given me? The knowledge that I do have coping skills and support around me (I was told I had none of those during that verbal assault I mentioned); the awareness of how truly blessed I am in my new position at work... I have such an appreciative boss, the freedom of working from home or while traveling, much less stress, and no drama. All of these make me grateful. I am also reminded of how blessed I am to be in graduate school, and have the brain God gave me to take my finals and ace my classes. And that I will be completely finished with my master's degree in August... for a girl who just wanted to finish my AA degree, this is truly a miracle. I am reminded that all my Nanny ever wanted was for me to succeed and find something more out of life than dead end jobs. Also, her going home has sparked some joy in her, and she is doing better than expected... gratitude in hindsight. The breaking down on the side of I-75 gave me the immediate gratitude... I was immediately aware of how blessed I am that I had a coat to keep me warm while standing outside for an hour to wait on a tow, that I was able to pull far enough off the interstate where semis would not hit me, that I did not have my cat with me (she would not have appreciated the 5 hour detour), it was not dark or raining, the break down did not happen during finals week, and I have an awesome step-dad that went to Gainesville to pick me up.... and has let me use his vehicle on top of it all! Now, I have not yet reached the "grateful to be facing $2000 in repairs" but it's progress, not perfection.
So there we have it. The miracle of gratitude. A lot of things that would make grown men cry or push the grad students to the bottles all cured with an amazing outline for living, a lot of support, and a heart filled with gratitude.
Yes, I know it's December, and last month was gratitude month, but I hope you were able to find some glimpse of this within from reading today. Most of all, I hope you Fly...
DBear
See, I have been taught to remain grateful. I used to write lists every night of things I was grateful for, today my gratitude usually comes in the form of lessons learned through whatever experiences I encounter... most of which are opportunities of growth. At times, the gratitude comes instantly. Other times, it is a matter of hindsight.
I think the one thing I keep in the forefront of my mind is that no matter what, things do improve. Regardless of how today is, tomorrow will be different. Better or worse, it will always be different. I've had a lot of those thoughts in recent weeks.
A couple of weeks ago, I was torn down by a verbal assault... literally, it was like I was on the firing line with no bullet proof vest. Not long after, I abruptly excused myself from my position at work and transferred in to another job. A few days later, finals would begin. And the night before my first (most difficult) final, my father called me letting me know my paternal grandmother (Nanny) was going home as the facility she was in could no longer help her, and Hospice was being called. Shortly thereafter, sometime during finals week, I began having a flare up of my GI issues (a ball of non-stop fiery pain is the only way to describe it), and was also an insomniac all week. Then after finals, I was able to leave Tampa to come home early, only to break down on I-75 and be stranded in Gainesville... which ended up ruining my surprise for my mother by the way, as I planned to arrive to Tallahassee in time to hear her concert at church. YET, I am so calm. (Full disclosure: last Monday, I was nearly psychotic over finals, but one break down in the midst of life's storms is okay, as long as I have a lot of support around me to ward off the hail... which I do.)
So how does one stay relatively calm? Gratitude. For me, this gratitude comes from the Spirit, but also from an army of friends and family, and a good "upbringing" on the power of reflection and clarity. I am so blessed to be able to do this... to take time and discuss with another or go inward and reflect. It truly is a priceless treasure.
What has this reflection given me? The knowledge that I do have coping skills and support around me (I was told I had none of those during that verbal assault I mentioned); the awareness of how truly blessed I am in my new position at work... I have such an appreciative boss, the freedom of working from home or while traveling, much less stress, and no drama. All of these make me grateful. I am also reminded of how blessed I am to be in graduate school, and have the brain God gave me to take my finals and ace my classes. And that I will be completely finished with my master's degree in August... for a girl who just wanted to finish my AA degree, this is truly a miracle. I am reminded that all my Nanny ever wanted was for me to succeed and find something more out of life than dead end jobs. Also, her going home has sparked some joy in her, and she is doing better than expected... gratitude in hindsight. The breaking down on the side of I-75 gave me the immediate gratitude... I was immediately aware of how blessed I am that I had a coat to keep me warm while standing outside for an hour to wait on a tow, that I was able to pull far enough off the interstate where semis would not hit me, that I did not have my cat with me (she would not have appreciated the 5 hour detour), it was not dark or raining, the break down did not happen during finals week, and I have an awesome step-dad that went to Gainesville to pick me up.... and has let me use his vehicle on top of it all! Now, I have not yet reached the "grateful to be facing $2000 in repairs" but it's progress, not perfection.
So there we have it. The miracle of gratitude. A lot of things that would make grown men cry or push the grad students to the bottles all cured with an amazing outline for living, a lot of support, and a heart filled with gratitude.
Yes, I know it's December, and last month was gratitude month, but I hope you were able to find some glimpse of this within from reading today. Most of all, I hope you Fly...
DBear
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