Being human isn't being a failure

Right?

I haven't wanted to post in a while because I hate the vulnerability that comes with the difficult truths about myself. The difficult truths include my tendencies towards depression, my family history of mental illness, past suicide attempts, eating disorders, substance abuse, just to name a few.

It's ironic that I was just thinking about how far removed I was from these parts of myself. I thought that on my sober date in June. I consciously thought "wow, these things were a lifetime ago."

I'll be damned if three weeks later, life didn't smack me down to reality that some of these things may never fully go away, there will always be ebbs and flows. It's how I choose to handle these situations...

Do I want to seek professional help again? Do I want to ride it out and depend on my usual methods (although hiking and extreme exercise are off the table), how do I want to handle it? I would like to say I've done great... I've pushed through without fighting, I've maintained my serenity, zen, etc...

However, that just isn't the case this time around. I cry for no reason, I obsess over the things I cannot change, I isolate...

However, I am starting to get to the other side...

I've reached out to friends and family. I've allowed people to help me. I've talked to my doctor about what I think is causing the depression's return (meds for my knee, lack of activity), and I've also pursued something that my soul will not let go of... Something I am destined to do. Someone I am destined to be. And of course, I've done my art.

Most of all, I've been there for others that need help. This is helping the most. I wish I could say I haven't caused harm during this dark spot in my life. I have. Yet I can see the good, I can find the gratitude, I see the bright spot shining through. Grateful heart.

So what helps you when times are rough? I'd love to hear your thoughts... 

Love and light

DBear