A Lesson in Genuine Humility

I have been tasked with an assignment that makes me more than a little uncomfortable- writing a letter of recommendation for myself. (This may not seem like a big deal to most, but apparently it's blogworthy. After nearly a month of bloglessness, this is saying something.)

Apparently, this task is assigned by many professors to those of us asking for reference letters. I am sure there is a lesson here in self-appraisal and confidence, but for me... it's just a big cluster of uneasiness.

I am realizing that somewhere along the line, I adopted this belief about saying nice things about myself... that is was wrong, conceited, grandiose, or would make me a braggart. Maybe it was because I was picked on for being in gifted classes as a child, maybe it's because I had low self esteem, maybe it's something I thought I heard in a sermon at church, or maybe it's a core belief?

Either way, I find myself struggling with a blank word document and questions of self-worth, self appraisal, what's acceptable to write without sounding like I think the world of myself, yet giving myself an honest review of jobs well done. Granted, nobody will know that I actually wrote the letter and sent it to the recommender for editing and a signature... but still... It's a lot of dis-ease. It's more difficult than I imagined it would be.

Aha, there's my lesson. Just when I think I am reaching what I feel to be genuine humility- that is, not thinking less of myself or more of myself, just seeing myself as I truly am- I realize I am nowhere near reaching this point. Character building.