My sanddollar story of the day

There are many times that I walk through life completely oblivious to others needs, struggles, or anything but my problems. Lately, I have been so overwhelmed with my own struggles that I've been in that space- zoned out and self centered. 

So I took a break to come to Tampa, see my people, and renew the soul. It's a 48 hour trip yet I still had to handle some business, including visiting my alma mater for transcripts.

Then the miracle happened. Some call them God shots, some call them random coincidences, I prefer miracle or God shot.

I was at the registrar to fill out a transcript request. Walks in a boy I shall call John. I noticed him because of his FSU sweatshirt. We chat. I tell him I completed my undergrad at FSU then came to Tampa for grad. 

We chatted more. Turns out he is so overwhelmed he was considering giving up and dropping all of his classes. I tell him to please re-consider, there is help available and tell him where the counseling center is located. 

Then I go to the cashier to pay for said transcripts. I come back to give the registrar my proof of payment and there sits "John" on a bench in the concourse. 

"Any better?," I ask. 

"No," he replies.

I ask if he would be willing to go to the counseling center if I walked him over myself. I tell him they helped me a great deal while I was studying for my MPH. He agrees and we walk over. He asks how I knew to help and I don't have an answer. I told him I wasn't even supposed to be here today (true story). He says "I'm glad you were!" 

We walk in, sign him up for counseling, and I walk away feeling great. By taking a moment away from my own self centered chaos, I was able to walk someone through getting help. Definitely a Higher a Power working through me. Of myself, I am nothing. Thank you, God.

Also, thanks to a special former sponsor/soul sista who taught me the value of helping through the imagery of the starfish story (we call it the sanddollars story) but here it is

Love and light

DBear 

Why I will never move cross country again...

Because it sucks!! The end.

No really. It does!

Not only is moving hella stressful, but moving all the way from one side of the US to the next is ridiculous. 

The last seven weeks have been insane and part of me wants to go back. If it didn't mean moving allll the way back to California. Goodness. Part of the stress is that I didn't take care of everything I needed to take care of before leaving. 

Oops. 

You know, little stuff like making sure I had the title to my car, closing my bank account, giving my former employer my new address so I could get my W-2 (because apparently mail forwarding only lasts for a month? You'd think I hadn't moved so many times in the past ten years) I guess it just comes with more responsibility nowadays.

The added stress is the extreme culture shock being back in the south. I'm being patient, I really am. I'm just not sure how much more I can take. How is one part of the country so racist and homophobic and the other part is so diverse and sex positive? It's incredibly baffling.

If it wasn't for my grandmother, my life goals, and the insanity of moving 3000 miles, I'd turn right back around. I miss the Bay. I miss the people. The lake. Ok, I'm going to stop before this turns into a pity party rather than a blog post.

Not only is it the move, it's everything that was waiting on me here. My job hasn't panned out. That's been one nightmare after another. I feel as if I'm missing every deadline there is (job related and academic admissions) and am just behind on life, mostly because other people are in control of turning in certain documents and it's just a bit fuster cluck. All of it. I'm having to practice major patience and letting go of control over outcomes. It sucks. 

Am I questioning my decision? Yes. I do that with every move. Am I glad to be here with my family? Yes. Am I hella stressed? YES. 

Just needed to vent

Obviously, I can't end without gratitude-

I have a nice house with reduced rent

I get to be of maximum service to my family

St. John's and choir has welcomed me with open arms 

China kisses are unconditional and constant

And I do have some of those forever friends that are nice to be with here in tally 

If you're one of those, thank you. That's what I need the most.

Love and light 

The kind words of a stranger...

So here it is, dinner time, rush time (well, Tallahassee traffic anyway), and I am simply trying to get to Boston Market with Grandma... I can taste the creamed spinach, green beans, sweet potatoes, oh my... We finally get there and what?! Boston Market it GONE?! What in the world is wrong with my hometown? How did this happen? Unfortunately, I didn't have a backup plan.

So I pull in to New Leaf parking lot and phone a friend. Well, two, but the first didn't answer. My friend suggested a few places and Grandma chimes in "I'd like a burger and fries!" So Margit tells me about Vertigo. Voila! We are right around the corner...

I get nervous taking grandma places... Never sure what she will say, who she may offend. We enter and she immediately sees a baby. Grandma cannot pass up a chance to coo at a baby. It just isn't possible. She wants to take the baby home. The baby's mom is very polite, giving me this knowing grin, smiling that it is okay. I leave Grandma to talk to the baby while I order.

I come back to the table and try to distract her so the nice couple with the baby can enjoy their meal. Finally, iTunes Radio on the iPhone does the trick. I plug Grandma in to Christian radio and we await our food. At this point, I fear the entire dining room is staring at us. 

Our food finally comes and we begin to enjoy our meals- I with the quinoa/red bean burger, Grandma with the cow burger, and of course half rings/half fries. I beg Grandma to take it easy on the salt, she tells me not to tell Belinda (my mom, her daughter) and laughs. I give in. We are halfway through our meal and this very sweet woman comes up to me. She says, "I've watched you with you grandmother and I hope if I am ever in her situation, my grandchildren will be as good with me. You are truly an angel."

I nearly cried. 

I thanked her and almost explained the Alzheimer's but realized I don't have to make excuses for Grandma, that people simply understand. 

Grandma didn't think anything of it and we continued on as usual. 

Thank you to the stranger who just made my day. 

Grateful

Love and Light

Carla