Woosah

How long has it been? Too long. I recently found years worth of journals that have been partially filled in... I'm sensing a pattern ;) So... Life lately... I'm beginning to understand why moving is up there next to death on the list of top life stressors. Especially if one naturally struggles with anxiety. It has been a ride for sure. On first landing in my hometown, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace and being "home"... Not to mention gratitude for all of this space!! Having lived in condos for the past few years, I'm super grateful to have a whole house with 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a living room, a den, a huge kitchen (as if I cook) and did I mention a yard? (As if I garden) However, I am not used to it being so quiet. I forgot what that was like. I've also struggled with all the free time that comes with unemployment. It wasn't this hard in SF because there was always so much to do. Here, not as much. When I do want to go explore something, it's either storming or freezing. So it's been hard. 

I do have to give myself credit for some things-- I've spent an enormous time with family and in service. I meditate each morning for a half hour and am attending a local gym. I have commitments in meetings and church. I landed a job (starts in 2 weeks). My house is unpacked, minus my art supplies and books. I've accomplished a lot in a few weeks and it feels like I've been here for months. Yet this hasn't come without it's share of panic attacks and depression. It is getting better. It always does. 

Many have asked how I feel about being back. I don't really know. It's just different. I haven't lived here in 3 1/2 years. I am not who I was when I lived here before. I do have people here that expect me to be the person I was the day I left town. Thank God I am not that person. Unfortunately, that person can easily be made to come out, especially if I'm on shaky ground... And there are people who wish to push those buttons and shake me up. There are people who misunderstand me or try to fit me in a box of someone I'm not. For the most part, that isn't the case. Most people are glad I'm home and happy for me. My grandma and mom are overjoyed. My genuine friends are hella excited to spend time together. I'm meeting new people as with any other move. I've even gone on a date. I'm simply blooming where I'm planted and being open to what happens next..

Woosah

Love and Light

Me