Life on life's terms...

I'm sure I've probably had a blogpost with this title before... it's something I run in to a lot. Living life on life's terms, not my terms, accepting the good with the bad, the happy with the sad, the tough times, things I might not understand... just accepting it all, knowing there is a higher reason for it all and I do not have to understand at this moment. That is difficult. I want to know everything, right now. I remember when I was moving out here, there was a two week window where I had no clue when I was moving, if I was moving, where I would live, how I was getting there, etc. But it all fell in to place. So if that can happen, why do I have such a difficult time trusting everything else to fall in to place? Me of little faith...
I've had a rough week and a half... two major shocks to my system came in the form of death, and another in the form of broken trust. Usually, I am a good judge of who I can trust. I at least get a sense of unease when there is someone I know I cannot trust. Can't explain it, just a feeling. However, I was way off on this one. It's disappointing. To say the least. I really believe I do my best, and good will overcome, no matter what.. I just have to keep believing that. I am very confident in the decisions I make, knowing that I consult a God much more powerful than any human, and work for the greater good, serving my community over ego and personality, striving for the Spiritual over the greed... This, I must remember, and this will always pay off in the end. No matter what.
So here I am, questioning my own judgment, yet remembering who I am- a selfless, honest hard worker. I may be a bit of a feeler and more emotional than I would prefer, but at least I'm honest and sensitive to others. I'd rather feel and connect with others than be cold and disconnected. That is my choice today. For this, I am grateful.
Love and light to all,
DBear

Speak

I wrote this poem tonight...short, but to the point... in response to many issues that have been brewing for years. I felt them reach down to the core of my being as I was researching my family, Thanksgiving brought up even more (walking in two worlds... not an easy way to live) Add a death in the family, and here I am...
I refrain from going in to much detail, as I do not wish to offend or open old wounds- I just seek truth.

Unanswered questions, tales of deceit cover like a blanket, smothering me
Speak! Somebody, Speak!
Generations of lies, pieces missing, people no longer around to tell their stories
Speak! Somebody, Speak!
Can you hear me? Questions resounding, Truth is my aim, tell me our story
Speak! Somebody, Speak!