Back in tally week 1

So I've been back for 8 days and it feels like a month. A trusted friend told me not to overcommit myself to things so quickly.. She knows me so well...

I am happy to say I am completely unpacked, I just need a desk, bookshelves, washer dryer, clothes that fit, etc. fingers crossed the job works out and I can start filling the house with necessities. For now, Grandma's room is set up, my room, living room, and kitchen. The necessities. We also have a schedule with grandma that should work (For those who don't know, my Grandma is my heart and the main reason for my return. Her Alzheimer's is progressing rapidly and I want to be here to follow through on the commitment I made in 2005...

Speaking of commitments, I have already worked out a mtg schedule, chairing a regular Tuesday night, going to others Mondays and Fridays, have joined the choir at St John's and that will take up Wednesdays and Sundays. To think, I was worried I'd be bored. On, and we had Christmas. Did I mention I arrived last week? Crazy. Roller derby will take a seat. Walking and biking will resume ASAP.

I slept all night last night, all day today, and just took more Benadryl so I'm near sleep now. Hope this was coherent. Small update. Will add more later

Xo

Love and light 

Cross Country 2.0... day 2?

I think? Yes, Day 2. 36 hours and 1200 miles down... around 1300 if you count by detour to see Joshua Tree. I must say I was not expecting the physical drain this driving is having on my body. Last time I did this, I had a co-pilot. This time, the step dad and I are driving separately. I do not usually like to complain about my physical state, but ouch. Hella pain. I'm about the foam roll the hell out of my hammies. It doesn't help that my right knee is the bad knee. However, cruise control (when I am not in traffic), seat massager/warmer, and stops for stretching are making it all bearable.
The main differences this year than 19 months ago are above (riding solo) and that I am taking a different route. I am also not driving the big 16 footer with my car towing behind on the flat bed, thank God! And I am not chain smoking, or smoking at all for that matter. I'm also not downing a million slim jims resulting in tons of swelling from the sodium. Nor am I fighting with the step dad. I guess the entire journey is a lot different than last time! China is still being chill about the whole thing.
Today was basically a success. I saw Joshua Tree Nat'l Park.... (For pics, see my FB or Instagram: name is sfbutterfly on there) it was beautiful, but did make me want to go climbing. Thank goodness I listen to my body today. I didn't make the best timing because of this detour but it was worth it. I also saw two shooting stars over New Mexico, only the second time in my life that I have seen back to back shooting stars... the first time was right before I moved from Tampa. Grateful.
The not so pleasant parts of today were the driving part ha. Also, I am now on the book on tape kick (because I'm my mother, apparently?) and my freaking CD player stopped working half way through my second book! It won't spit out or accept discs... I will chalk this up to Friday the 13th and hope it works tomorrow.
Oh, and I am grateful to be alive. There was a huge tire in the road today and had I not been paying attention, I would be seriously injured or dead tonight. I was able to slam on brakes (spilling a gallon of water...) and then get over to safety. China was a bit shaken but we are all good.
I am now in El Paso determining where to go tomorrow. I was going to go to San Antonio then Austin, then up to Oxford to see Jess.... however, my friend that was meeting me in Austin may have to bail so I could be going to Dallas Fort Worth, then Little Rock, then Jess. I've never been to DFW or Little Rock (unless you count airports in Dallas), so I am cool with either option!
For now, I say Good night :)
Love and Light
DBear

Before I leave Oakland....

So I haven't left yet and I'm realizing I can't do that before I write about my experiences here in the Bay. What a ride. I traveled during a large part of my time here but while I was here, I lived every minute of it to the fullest. Well, except for those "I just need Netflix, take out, and China" days :) 

I was very lucky to have a family here that somewhat adopted me when I moved out. Kylie, Cass, and Jasia, I'm looking at you!! Seriously. The best. I look forward to coming back every April for Jasia's birthday parties and will be booking my first trip out as soon as I get back to Florida. We had many great times, my skin thickened a LOT, I learned Cass talk, and most importantly, a little Brazilian girl stole my heart while teaching me Portuguese. I cannot wait to know what people are saying when we head to the Olympics in 2016! Heck, even what's being said at the commune will be good :)

My time here also came with meeting a lot of new friends, a few who will most definitely be forever friends. KMing and Joy Tyler, I freaking love you both. So much. In all your indecisiveness, Kristin, you are going to be a kick ass psychologist one day ;) Joy, you are a strong, beautiful woman who speaks nothing but truth and I love that! I of course do not want to overlook my other friends here but you ladies taught me a lot, listened to me sort out my nonexistent wanna-be love life, and complain about the flaky people of the Bay :) Mostly, you both taught me very different life lessons in your own way.

I also had many lessons come in the form of difficult times, but I'm glad to know I survived and held my head high. 

Today, I was able to return to the place I moved out here for (work) and say my goodbyes with no shame, sadness, or any negative emotion whatsoever. Rather, I was happy for the lessons, super grateful for being laid off, and lucky to have forever friends in some of my former coworkers. 

I won't say any of this has been easy. There have been many lonely times, homesickness, theft of a very special item that I may never get back, and some difficult dating drama... But it's all good in the hood. Always. 

I also have to give a hella loud shout out to Deak! This girl. Man. She came to my rescue when I was paralyzed by the move and what it all entails. Never enough words, lady, but I'll see you in Florida for sure!

So for those who visit SF, make sure you come see this place I call home for 12 more hours. Because I hella love Oakland and am grateful for the memories. 

Love and Light

Me 

Cross country Road tripping 2.0 entry 1

Anyone who knows me well knows I love road tripping... If I'm in my ride or on my time table anyway (prob why I trip solo most of the time) So Thursday begins my next big adventure. Cross-country 2.0. When I came out, I drove 40 over then connected to the old Route 66, got to visit Sedona (more touristy than I had hoped), meditate in the Grand Canyon, hug some Giant Sequoias among other things. The line up this time is to go down to 10, visiting Joshua Tree before leaving California. Not the original route I wanted considering I've been up and down I-5 no less than 8 times since September. However, ice storms will dictate my travel (I've never driven in snow and don't care to learn during this move)... So I-5 to I-10 it is. Then I'll go through lower AZ and NM, then the dreaded TX drive. However, I am picking a friend up in Austin Sunday afternoon and we will drive to Memphis on Monday... Either staying south going through NoLa or going north through Little Rock... My vote is the latter since I've done NoLa a few times. Visiting Memphis as an adult will be nice, going to see where MLK marched, history, yes! Excited :) after this, I will go see the Spons in Oxford, then on to Florida. I have to skip STL due to ice.

So friends, questions for you... What MUST I see going this route, where MUST I eat in Austin, etc...

Comment below or on my FB page. Thanks!!

Love and Light

DBear 

An honest appraisal

This move has been emotionally taxing... Mainly because I keep going back and forth, wondering if I'm making the right decision. Lots of talks with the Spons have helped, lists have helped as well... Also, not listening to those who are negative... Unfortunately, there will always be negative nancies..

See, I moved out here for a job... One I found while I was on vacation here because I talked to a stranger on a bus. So I thought surely it was all meant to be, I'd be here forever, meet someone, have kids, etc. Yet all of that changed when I lost the job. 

I didn't have my hometown in mind until I went back and saw my family, met with my mentors, and drew up a plan with a pro and con list. Florida won. Yet there's still that lingering thought wondering what my purpose was here and if I accomplished all I was supposed to accomplish while living here.  I'm not God, so I cannot answer these questions, but I can take an honest appraisal of what I've accomplished here-- below are my top 10... Because reaffirmations are positive 

1.) I became a professional. Yes, I worked many jobs prior to moving here, but I never was a professional without school... One that travels, networks, gives presentations, trains others, participates in webinars and conference calls, draws up business plans, evaluation plans, write reports, etc.

2.) I quit smoking (hell, that right there is a miracle) and became a vegetarian (tried vegan but that didn't last)

3.) I started dating again. Like legit dates. Yeah, that's not so much fun. Although I may have had a better experience if I wasn't so married to my job. 

4.) I've made some great lifelong friends out here and hosted my first huge dinner party (meaning more than just four people)

5.) I had a few huge personal growth experiences through Landmark and experienced a level of letting go and forgiveness of myself and others that I wasn't aware existed for me...

6.) I experienced my first lay off at the same time I experienced a big health crisis... all the emotions that come with these life events, as well as the beauty that comes; beauty in the sense of being able to fully enjoy life not knowing where my next money will come, keeping my commitments when I was too depressed to move, working with sponsees when I was in so much physical pain I could barely stand, and so on. I won't claim to have handled either situation perfectly, and I am still dealing with the health issues, but I don't have to let it dictate my life today.... Whatever "it" is at any given moment.

7.) Nearly the entire state of California has now been seen and explored by yours truly :)

8.) I allowed myself to let someone go because I knew the two of us had completely different values and goals... This is a huge difference than the "claw mark leaving, holding on til death do us part" Carla.

9.) Date nights with self have continued but I went to the other extreme and had "too much" alone time, so I have re-balanced that by spending more time with people.

10.) Most importantly, I have moved to a city I had only visited once with no family nearby and thrived. Yes, I lived in a very scary neighborhood my first three months here.. gunshots and all.. but I found my place lakeside/downtown and have completely enjoyed the neighborhood. I've survived an asshat roommate and didn't have to be rude or angry. I had my first car burglary and handled it with grace. This town has hit me hard a few times yet I've held my head up and my spirits high. Because we all deserve happiness and serenity, no matter what little piece of the Earth we call home.

Love and Light

DBear

Moving....

Really can suck. Or it can be a time of letting go of the clutter and accepting a new life of being a minimalist.... (Well, except clothes. I have multiple sizes because I'm a PCOS woman who fluctuates... And I like clothes) Or it can suck. I'm going between the two at the moment. Mainly because I'm a tad on the OCD side and it feels like someone is constantly sitting on my chest, making even the slightly deep breaths seem impossible. What helps? Lists. Talking it out. Walking away from it all for a few... Even if it's to just go to the lake and back (I have a lake at the end of my street) 

So yeah. There's my check in. I'd really LOVE for the Craigslisters to follow through and come get this furniture so I have less to move. However, if it doesn't happen, there is a UHaul on reserve (hold the jokes, it's just me and the cat, no UHauling for this lez)

As far as the logistics, this move will be a bit different than how it was a year and a half ago. Back then, my stepdad and I drove together, a big truck with a flatbed tow for my car. We survived. Barely. This year, it will be me driving solo and he will be driving solo. I swear he's reliving his Route 66 glory days. He flies out the night before we leave. I pack my ride, he packs his rental, and we drive. I'm a bit nervous as we aren't doing a caravan, I'm going my own way and he's going his way. But it will be fine. As much as I road trip, I'm sure all will be well. Depending on weather, I will drive up/over to STL first (major detour, I know) and then down to Tallahassee. Taking a stop in Mississippi of course. So that's the plan. Departing the 11th. I plan on updating from the road, although it won't be nearly as entertaining as the updates of me and my stepdad fighting like cats. China was the most well behaved, actually. 

Pray for traveling mercies and no snow storms in the Midwest

Love and Light

Me