I have options. I could get more cortisone injections. This is the longest I've gone without them in years. But I know the long term consequences. They weaken the immune system, break down whatever cartilage I have left (not much), and leave me at risk for many other health conditions. I could have my knee scoped again. But that comes with anesthesia and is also a temporary fix. I cannot and will not have a replacement. (One, they will not allow it until I am 35; two, I do not want one until the knees are much more advanced.) I could also try synvisc again. There aren't many studies about long term consequences because it is newer. I know it worked in Tampa, but only for a short term because I chose to rock climb in Colorado less than a month after my injections.
Other options (more sane options)-- physical therapy, Reiki, swim therapy, knee braces, basic care for my knee, self love... That includes sitting out a softball game if in pain. Even if it's a tournament my family is coming 3,000 miles to watch.
So those are my options. And, well, low impact activities... The reason this bothers me so much? I'm a recovering anorexic and exercise addict. The last time I was in this bad shape where I could not do certain physical activities landed me in a tailspin of unhealthy living which included starving myself to the max. It got so bad I was lying to everyone close to me and size zeros were falling off but I thought I was huge. Yes, this was years ago, but my brain still goes there. Thankfully, I do not act on these thoughts (well, occasionally the exercise addict), but I still go there... Can I lose the weight I need to lose by doing low impact activities? Am I destined to a life of obesity and wheelchairs? (No dramatic flair there) You get the idea.
So I was reminded tonight, have you seen any fat mermaids?!
Nope.
So with that, I introduce my mermaid self to you all :) Hopefully I will fall in love with swimming all over again and can feel the same feeling as if I were on the softball field or the ice. For today, I am just grateful for a pool at an amazing fitness center (Club One represent), and legs to kick. Hey, maybe one day, I can surf ;)
Love to all, light to all
DBear
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